Sarah Palin's Twitter

captured from Sarah Palin's twitter site.
October 3, 8:24am: Got up and went to the kitchen, saw 3 deers prancing across the back meadow through the window.
October 3, 8:26am: Got the shotgun.
October 3, 8:34am: dinner for tonight taken care of.
October 3, 9:20am: met with Don Rumsfeld to get rundown on the army and stuff.
October 3, 10:04am: finished soccer game with Rummy. took some notes on Pakistan.


October 3, 10:15am: have to head to dry goods store to pick up some things.
October 3, 10:25am: back to the house, forgot the fur. put it on and out to the store again.
October 3, 11:15am: back with shopping. pouring wet, ruined fur.
October 3, 11:45am: met with Condy to brush up on Diplomacy.
October 3, 12:15pm: took Condy trapping. took some notes on Israel. Turns out "diplomacy" is a lot like bitching at Martha from the PTA. Should be easy.
October 3, 12:45pm: Got to head out and listen to John. Probably complain about something I said to Joe last nite. If his memory holds out. Poor dear man.
October 3, 12:55pm: Shot a moose.
October 3, 1:15pm: Met with John. Not too bad. Try to say "umm" less. And wear tighter skirt.
"Sarah Palin's Twitter" continued... click here to Read More!

Rumor about the Jonas Bothers

Leaked by the secretary of President and CEO of Hollywood Records, Bob Cavallo, an email exchange that finally sheds light to truth of the much-hushed-about gay "scandal" regarding the Jonas Bros.

Subject: new tour manager
Date: August 3rd, 2008

Kevin,
I apologize for the misleading subject of this email but I didn't want to bring further speculation and attention to you.
That said, this issue must be addressed. It has been brought to my attention that one of the three of you plans to, as you'd say, "come out", and I think it's fairly obvious to us all who it is.

Now, I don't want to cause any more issues than the ones that have already come up. Your brothers have worked too hard to get the three of you to where you are, and it goes without saying how much revenue has been brought in by the success of this little band you three have here, but while these two have been winning the hearts of teenage girls and, admittedly, boys everywhere, image needs to be maintained. I think you know what I'm getting at. You've done a swell job of keeping up appearances with this good-Christian-boy facade you and your brothers have been tasked with for quite some time and I'd be bold enough to tell you right now not to muck that up. And need I remind you, which certain famous-ears own you?
Just keep this in mind. Your borthers have brought you far, Kevin, don't screw this up.

Yours,
Bob Cavallo
President & CEO Hollywood Records

--

Subject: Dude
Date: August 5th, 2008

What are you talking about?

Perplexed,
Kevin

--

Subject: Guitar strings
Date: August 5th, 2008

Exactly. I knew you'd understand.

Yours always,
Bob Cavallo
President & CEO Hollywood Records

P.S. I love you.
Call me!

--

Subject: Still Confused
Date: August 6th, 2008

Whatever dude.

Keep Rockin',
Kevin

P.S. Stop calling me. I recognize the heavy breathing. We will switch to Arista.
"Rumor about the Jonas Bothers" continued... click here to Read More!

Email Exchange decided the new name of "Hari Puttar: A comedy of Terrors"

Email exchange regarding the name change for “Hary Puttar”

From: bollywood_producer@india.india
To: Bollywood_lawyer@india.india

Subject: Other names for Hari Puttar.

Dear Lawyer,

Here are a few of the names I came up with for the “Hari Puttar” movie since the Americans are being so freaking touchy:

Since the movie takes place in the summer, and he used to live in the tropical area of India, I was thinking “Tropic Thunder” would make a lot of sense. No?

Or, alternatively, since Hari is such a strong willed character we could call him “The Iron Man”! Sounds good, yes?

One other one, just a quick thought, what about we play up the side of Hari that is darker even though he is more honorable and call him “The Dark Knight?”

So my new title idea is “The Dark Knight: An Iron Man makes a Tropic Thunder!”

Your Friend,

AP
----------
To: bollywood_producer@india.india
From: Bollywood_lawyer@india.india

Subject: RE: Other names for Hari Puttar.


My friend AP, are you kidding me with this? This is terrible. All of those names are names from movies made in Hollywood already. This year even!

Gujarat Berkowitz
---------

From: bollywood_producer@india.india
To: Bollywood_lawyer@india.india

Subject: RE:RE: Other names for Hari Puttar.

Dear Lawyer,

Mama Mia! These Americans have so many movies it’s hard to think of something that hasn’t been used, I don’t want to get involved in a Clone Wars. I mean, Hollywood and Bollywood are Step Brothers, you’d think they’d be a little more lenient! I’ve Wanted to work in Hollywood for a long time, but all their movies are about Sex and the Cities… yet one day they will Get Smart. We all voted on the new name, and it came down to a Swing Vote by Prince Caspian, but in the end we all decided on this:”Meet Dave”.

Your Friend,

AP
----------
To: bollywood_producer@india.india
From: Bollywood_lawyer@india.india

Subject: RE:RE:RE: Other names for Hari Puttar.

NO NO NO! Are you kidding me right now Paji? You are filled with Hollywood names, you must stop this.
Remember the music scene in the movie? Just call it “The Rocker” and be done with it.

-Gujarat Berkowitz
----------
From: bollywood_producer@india.india
To: Bollywood_lawyer@india.india

Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:Other names for Hari Puttar.

Wasn’t THAT a movie from this year too?

Your Friend,

AP
----------
To: bollywood_producer@india.india
From: Bollywood_lawyer@india.india

Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE: Other names for Hari Puttar.

Yes. But don’t worry, nobody saw it.

-Gujarat Berkowitz


"Email Exchange decided the new name of "Hari Puttar: A comedy of Terrors"" continued... click here to Read More!

Biden and the Democratic V.P.s

This conversation was captured from the chat room: "Democratic V.P. Nominees"
Joseph Biden: Hey, anyone here?
John Edwards: Hey, Joe! Congratulations!
Joseph Biden:: thanks, John. How's the wife?
John Edwards: funny, Joe. Did you write that one yourself, or steal it from some Labor Party Candidate?

Joe Lieberman: Hey, now let's keep it civil. We're all on the same team. Well, ok, not me. But still, let's keep it civil.
John Edwards: Lieberman? How'd you get in here, Mr. Independent? Don't they check your card at the door?
Joseph Biden: Let's calm down John. It's not like he's Newt Gingrich, you know.
Lloyd Bentsen: That's true. I knew Newt Gingrich. Newt Gingrich was a friend of mine. Lieberman is no Newt Gingrich.
Joe Lieberman: thanks, Lloyd.
Lloyd Bentsen: Yeah, Newt had much better hair than you. Didn't you have some personal consultant to help with that? I mean - do you even have a mirror?
Joe Lieberman: Ok, Lloyd, we get the point...
Lloyd Bentsen: I mean, I knew Jack Kennedy. That was some hair. That's how you win an election.
Joseph Biden: speaking of elections... I'm in one, in case you haven't heard.
Walter Mondale: Yeah, Joe, congratulations, and good luck with that.
Joseph Biden: Thanks, Walter. Any advice?
Walter Mondale: Sure, Joe! My advice is, don't let a maniacal Middle Eastern leader capture American hostages and hold them for 444 days.
Lloyd Bentsen: Yeah, and don't ride in a tank.
Joe Lieberman: Three words for ya, Joe: Chads, Chads, Chads.
"Biden and the Democratic V.P.s" continued... click here to Read More!

Dog Days for Chinese Olympic Gymnasts

We here at the Secret Blogs of Celebrities have spared no expense to bring you the latest in celebrity happenings, now we are pleased to present the “Language Transmuticator”, a device that can allow us to “translate” any language into English so that we can find out what goes on behind the scenes.

We were able to intercept an international telephone conference call between representatives of the International Olympic Committee, China’s Gymnastics Federation, and United States Gymnastics…Below us a transcript with the comments from Chinese participants automatically translated by our marvelous invention, the “Language Transmuticator”:


Jacques Rogge, President of the International Olympics Committee: Good afternoon, let’s begin.

Lu Shanzan, Coach of the Chinese Gymnastics Team: Ok, I ready.

Steve Penny, USA Gymnastics: I’m ready and I also have Bela Karolyi with me.

Rogge: Mr. Penny, what are your concerns regarding the members of the Chinese Gymnastics Team?

Penny: It is our contention that it has come to light that three of the team members do not appear to be of age to compete and this week some additional corroborating evidence has come to light and we respectfully request an inquiry into the ages of He Kexin, Yang Yilin and Jiang Yuyuan.

Rogge: Lu Shazan have you a response to the accusations?

Shanzan: Girls old enough.

Rogge: Uh, we need more information that just your word that they are old enough.

Bela Karolyi: Theya notta old enuff, theya girls notta old enough!

Penny: Bela, I’ll take it from here…What my compatriot is saying is that in the last week the Associated Press has found information from the Chinese Administration of Sport’s own web site that Miss He Kexin’s actual birthday is January 1, 1994, not 1992 as contended, which would make her only 14 and as the rules state a competitor must turn 16 during the year of the Games, therefore; she would be ineligible. There is also evidence that Miss Yang Yilin was born in 1993, also making her too young to be eligible. Additionally, Miss Yuyuan may only be 15.

Rogge: Coach Shanzan, your response?

Shanzan: Girls old enough. Chinese government give passports that say so. Girls old enough.

Karolyi: These-a girls-a notta olda nuff…Theya have a NO BOOBIES! There is a no development! They have NO BOOBIES, their-a hips a too small! They-a HAVE NO BOOBIES!

Penny: Bela! Be quiet! You’re here just for support…

Shanzan: At this competition, the Japanese gymnasts were just as small as the Chinese. Chinese competitors have for years all been small. It is a question of race. European and American athletes are all powerful, very robust. Chinese are by nature that small.

Karolyi: You sayin’ our-a girls are fat?

Rogge: Gentlemen, we’re getting off track. Let’s refocus. Coach Shanzan, the Associated Press says that He Kexin was born in 1994. Your rebuttal?

Shanzan: He Kexin born in the year of dog.

Penny: Wait, the year of the dog? Wasn’t that 1994?

Shanzan: It not matter if born in 1994.

Penny: IT MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE! She is only 14!

Shanzan: No, no, she born in year of dog. Dog have 7 year to one human. He Kexin is 98 year old in dog year. She PLENTY old to compete!

Rogge: What?

Shanzan: Yang Yilin born 1993, year of rooster. Rooster live 10 year to one human. Yilin 14 or 140 in rooster year. She also PLENTY old! You not know math!

Karolyi: They-a have-a NO BOOBIES! There is-a no development! They have NO BOOBIES, their-a hips are-a too small! They-a HAVE NO BOOBIES!

A fuse is blown and the connection is lost….

"Dog Days for Chinese Olympic Gymnasts" continued... click here to Read More!

Reaction of other athletes to Phelps winning 8 gold medals

Captured email sent to the International Olympic Committee
From: Usain Bolt, Gold Medal winner
To: IOC
Re: 8 gold medals
Phelps got tons of press with his winning 8 gold medals, and to the fans, it makes guys like me look like chumps. Hey, I won gold in my event! What more can I do?
But that's the frikkin' point. No one else could win 8 medals, 'cause there aren't enough events to do it! So, give me a frikkin' chance, how about it? So, here's some events that could be added to the next Olympics to give us a shot at it:
100m sprint with one hand tied behind your back.
100m sprint backwards
100m sprint while patting head and rubbing stomach
100m sprint while balancing egg on a spoon
100m sprint while reciting Soliloquy from Hamlet
100m sprint blindfolded

Irie,

Usain "Chest Thumpin" Bolt,

Gold Medal Winner

"Reaction of other athletes to Phelps winning 8 gold medals" continued... click here to Read More!

Presidential Chatroom 08-13-08 – Olympics, Georgia, and Obama

Presidential Chatroom 08-13-08 – Olympics, Georgia, and Obama

Condi_Ricecakes: Where is he already? I have a hair appointment in two hours!

Dick_Buckshot_Cheney: He’ll be here Condi, relax. You’ll have plenty of time…

Secret_Serviceman has entered the chatroom

Dick_Buckshot_Cheney: See, here it comes now.

Secret_Serviceman: I have entered the chatroom, and will ensure there are no possible attackers.

Secret_Serviceman: Ok. Area is clear, we’re a go for the President.

W_Bushie: Hehehe, Here I am everyone. Don’t panic.

Condi_Ricecakes: It’s OK Mr President, but we’ve told you before that you don’t have to send a secret serviceman into a chat room… it’s not a real room, and really possesses no danger.

W_Bushie: Oh, don’t be silly little lady… You can never be too careful. But I do love these new chats; I can pretend to workimacate right from my bedroom. Hehehe.

Dick_Buckshot_Cheney: You mean you CAN work from your bedroom, not pretend to… oh nevermind. We’ve got a lot to discuss today sir, we should get right to it.

W_Bushie: Alrighty-tighty. Let’s hop to it then Dickey.

Condi_Ricecakes: Well first sir, we should discuss this situation in Georgia. It seems Russia has claimed a cease-fire, but Georgia’s president is still reporting new attacks.

W_Bushie: Well, it’s like I said before, I’m in full support of Georgia. I love everything about it. The peaches, the Atlanta Falcon, Cartoon Network – all some of my favorite things. But since when did they get their own President?

Condi_Ricecakes: Sir. Wait. You think Russia has attacked Georgia, the STATE?

W_Bushie: Well DUH Condi, don’t you read the news? Hehehe, it’s not like there is a country named Georgia! Geez Dickey, don’t you think Condi here needs to learn some Geomagraphy?

Dick_Buckshot_Cheney: Uhh. Mr President – why don’t we let Mr. Gates handle that one, OK?

W_Bushie: Good idea. Bobby’s a good boy. What’s next?

Condi_Ricecakes: Well, the Olympics are in full swing; Michael Phelps won yet another gold medal, making him the world record holder at 11!

W_Bushie: Well then we should give him another one.

Dick_Buckshot_Cheney: Another one sir?

W_Bushie: Another gold medal Big Time. I mean, my motto has always been, “help those that already have enough”, and this kid has got so many gold medals, we might as well just give him another one, or maybe two.

Condi_Ricecakes: Sir, we can’t just give him medals. I mean, he has to win them! You have to EARN them!

W_Bushie: Ring ring, hello? Oh who’s this? It’s my Presidential Campaign from 2000 calling! He says that you’re dead wrong Condi. Hehehehe.

Condi_Ricecakes: Ok. Fine. I get your point. I’ll mark down to see if we can’t give him another gold medal. Now last on today’s agenda, lots of reports out about Obama talking about our policies and people are looking for an official response from the White House.

W_Bushie: Well, let’s just tell them we’re doing everything we can to track down these terrorists, so they don’t track us down here at home.

Dick_Buckshot_Cheney: No no sir, not Osama Bin Laden… Barack Obama, the Democratic Nominee for President?

W_Bushie: The Democrats have nominated a Terrorist? Sneaky. Why didn’t we think of that Dickey? I mean, a terrorist as president can probably find all them other terrorists hiding in the desert. Boy that really frosts my cornflakes.

Dick_Buckshot_Cheney: Why don’t you lie down sir, we’ll talk it from here.

W_Bushie: Good idea Quasimodo. I need to get some restimifcation.

W_Bushie has left the chatroom.

Condi_Ricecakes: Ok, so on the Obama thing, do what we always do?

Dick_Buckshot_Cheney: Yep – Tell some staffer to say something ridiculous and then fire him. "Presidential Chatroom 08-13-08 – Olympics, Georgia, and Obama" continued... click here to Read More!

Al Gore investigates the smog problem in China

the following is a transcript of a phone call between Al Gore and Chinese Government officials.
Al Gore: Hello, Mr Lee, thank you for speaking with me today. I wanted to call and express my concern about the air pollution problem recently in Beijing.
Chinese Gov't Representative Lee: Thank you for expressing your concern, Mr. Gore, however I can assure you, this problem is not recent.
Al Gore: Well, ok. But that's bad. See? And I'm an environmental activist. See?
Rep. Lee: Oh, I see. I thought you were an actor. I saw your performance in "An Inconvenient Truth", and you were hilarious.

Al Gore: Ok, but that wasn't a comedy, it was a documentary. Pollution is a real problem. That's the concern, the air pollution in Beijing, for instance, is a real problem for the Olympic athletes.
Rep. Lee: I see. Well, we've solved the issues you're speaking of for the Olympics. We've taken half of the cars off of the road in Beijing. Those drivers will not contribute any pollution to Beijing's air.
Al Gore: Ok, that's fixed it for the 2 weeks of the Olympics. But I'm concerned with harming the environment, for the future. what happens when the Olympics are ove, and those drivers go back to driving their cars?
Rep. Lee: They won't. We killed them.
Al Gore: excuse me? You killed those cars?
Rep. Lee: No, of course not. Just the drivers. We needed them to stop pollution, so we killed them. What else could we do?
Al Gore: Well, I thought you just made them stopped driving their cars?
Rep. Lee: Ha Ha. We could not rob them of their freedoms like that. They were people, you know, people with freewill. So, better to just kill them.
Al Gore: But, surely....
Rep. Lee: Look, these people were breathing before. You realize that every time they breathe out, they put carbon dioxide in the atmosphere? That's a pollutant. Now none of those people will spoil your precious environment.
Al Gore: Yes, thank you. But I don't see that ...
Rep. Lee: Wait - doesn't your country do this? what about Timothy MacVeigh? Didn't you kill him?
Al Gore: well, he was a convicted terrorist.
Rep. Lee: So were these people. Environmental Terrorists, with their breathing out all the time. They were Evil doers!
Al Gore: But I wouldn't say...
Rep. Lee: did I mention they were all also Muslims? And French Communists? And they worked on the animation for Jar-Jar Binks? "Al Gore investigates the smog problem in China" continued... click here to Read More!

Shark Tales: The Conversation

We here at the Secret Blogs of Celebrities have spared no expense to bring you the latest in celebrity happenings, now we are pleased to present the “Animal Transmuticator”, a device that can allow us to “translate” the language of animals into human language so that we can find out what they think about their celebrity encounters.

After much hard work, we bring you the conversation that occurred between two sand sharks off the coast of Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, not two weeks ago.

Shark1: So, I was sayin’ to da’ Mizzus, I’m tired of mackerel for dinner I wanna try something new.

Shark2: I hear ya. Ya, know, I heard this bullshark over near the beach mention this new species…it’s kinda like a variety of human.

Shark1: Gee, Herb, what’s it called?

Shark2: It’s called a metrosexual.

Shark1: Wonder what it tastes like?

Shark2: Let’s go see if we can find one…

(Sounds of water swishing and distant sounds of people playing in the shallow water of a beach.)

Shark1: I wonder where they are, these smell like regular humans, you got anything?

Shark2: *Sniffing* I don’t smell nothin’, wait! *sniffs vigorously* I do smell something different. It’s kinda like a human, but it smells different, more fruity, but not like real fruit, it has a chemical edge to it. Sort of like it’s marinaded in some fruit-scented chemical, no more than one chemical.

Shark1: *Sniffs vigorously* You’re right! There must be eight or nine different scents to it…I think I found it…it looks like a male human.

Shark2: Well, the size of the feet and legs looks male, but the leg’s hairless! No hair to get caught between my 85 teeth! Woo hoo! This is gonna be some feast!

Shark1: *licks lips in anticipation* Oh boy!

Shark2: This was my idea, I go first buddy!

(Sounds of water swishing, then from above human screams.)

Shark2: Num, num…wait! Eww! Eww! *spits out a toe* Eww! It’s nasty! Come on Frank! Let’s get outta here! I ain’t eatin’ no metrosexual! *coughs, sputters and tries to get taste out of his mouth*

Shark1: I guess mackerel doesn’t sound so bad after all! *snickers* Better you than me!

From above the water:

Man: OW! OW! SHAAAARRRRRK! I GOT BIT BY A SHARK! JAWS! HELP! HELP!

Lifeguard: I’m here to save you! Wait! Man, Stop thrashing around! Stand up! You’re only in four feet of water! Jeeze! Wait, aren’t you…

Ryan Seacrest: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s me. Now will you help me! I GOT BIT BY A SHARK!

The lifeguard carries Ryan up to the sand and sits him down.

Lifeguard: Aww , it ain’t nothin’. It hardly broke the skin! Wait, there’s a little tooth in it! *Pulls out a tiny tooth* He mustn’t have like the way you tasted. DUDE! He spit SEACREST OUT!

The sounds fades to the sounds of water swishing…

"Shark Tales: The Conversation" continued... click here to Read More!

French Swim Team response to USA winning the 4x100 relay

An Email sent from the French National Olympic Committee to the US Olympic committee:
From: French Nat Olympic Comm
To: USA Olympic Comm
Subject: bogus win of US team over France in Mens' 4x100 swim relay
Dear Messieurs and Madames; This letter is to inform you of our disgust at the way the US Men's swim team stole the 4x100 gold medal from the courageous and proud French team. We will be filing a formal grievance with the IOC, of course, but we also wanted to personally deliver this message.
The event was so close as to be called a "finger tip win." Be advised that we are fully aware that you Americans grow your fingernails abnormally long, for the purpose of more effectively torturing alleged suspects confined in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

We also intend to prove that your fingernails were artificially enhanced with the help of Human Growth Hormones, under the direction of noted expert Barry Bonds.
This is the true explanation for his absence from your American baseball league this year (did you really think we'd think the Home Run king could not get a job? You silly Yankees.)
In protest of this blatant cheating, we will be recalling all of our fries, toast and dressing. I'm sure you will come around to our way of thinking, as we all know you fat Yankees are addicted to McDonald's, and will never survive without French Fries with your Heureaux Meals. When you come to your senses, please deliver the Gold medals to the nearest Au Bon Pain restaurant, and the manager will see that the medals get in the right hands.

oh, and don't even think about flying over us to bomb whoever's in your axis of evil this week.

Au Revoir,
France
"French Swim Team response to USA winning the 4x100 relay" continued... click here to Read More!

China Blocks Websites at Olympics

excerpts from an email Exchange between the International Olympic Committee and the Chinese Government's committee for information exchange.

from IOC: Dear Committee members; Congratulations on a fantastic opening ceremony!
We are writing because we've heard from some reporters that some web sites are blocked to them. In previous discussions, you had promised that all web sites would be accessible to all journalists. Please advise, regards.

from China Info Committee: Dear IOC; thank you for the congratulations. We're glad you liked it. As far as the web sites, we have unblocked nearly all web sites for journalists. The few that remain blocked are related to Falun Gong, the terrorist organization. I am sure you can see that we must do this - it's a matter of national security. Regards

from IOC: Dear Committee members; thanks you for your reponse, it was very helpful. We understand your concerns with national security, but we still have a few more questions. Why is the official site for "America's Got Talent" blocked?


from China Info Committee: Dear IOC; thank you for your replies. As far as the "America's Got Talent" site - we blocked that for the journalist's protection. I mean, seriously, have you seen it? I'm sure the USA government would not approve of that, it must have been created by some commando group, right? Maybe a group of deaf and blind commandos? Regards.

from IOC: Dear Committee members; thanks for your reply. We suppose you have a point there. But, we've also heard that the Democratic National Committee's site is blocked. This is entirely partisan, and we cannot put up with any political grandstanding. Regards.

from China Info Committee: Dear IOC; We are very sorry about that. Wait - that was real? We thought it was some parody, or farce? Sorry about that one.
P.S. really? Howard Dean? really?

from IOC: Dear Committee members; Umm, yes, anyway. So, we've also heard that the site for the TV sitcom "According to Jim" is blocked. Could you explain this? Regards.

from China Info Committee: Dear IOC; Yes, it is.
Umm, you think this is a bad thing? Really, we thought it was a health issue. To make sure we have fewer incidents of people gouging their eyes out.
Really - don't you have any schools over there that teach some sort of arts, or culture? Regards


"China Blocks Websites at Olympics" continued... click here to Read More!

Kiefer Sutherland and the Anthrax Attacks

Excerpt taken from Kiefer Sutherland's personal blog: "Jack24"
Who leaked our plot?
August 3, 2008
So I read these articles about an arrest made of Dr. Bruce Ivins for the anthrax attacks in the US. In the article it said, "Officials wouldn't answer questions about why Ivins was allowed to continue working with dangerous biological agents after they identified him as a suspect in the so-called Amerithrax investigation."
What the Hell? Did some writer leak this? The season doesn't start until December, the plot's still supposed to be under wraps.

This reality TV thing is out of hand.
August 4, 2008
So I finally get the FBI to talk to me, and some wacko agent says "It's not the plot of a TV show, it's real"
Look - 24 is not some crappy "reality show" pal, it's quality drama. And then he asks me, "hey, when do they show the episodes with you just sleeping for an hour.?" Good one, real original. Like I haven't heard that before.

Seriously, can you believe this?
August 5, 2008
So now I call my agent about this whole anthrax plot leak, and he tells me it really happened. Come on - who's gonna believe that? We make great TV, but no one's gonna believe this wacked out "how's the world gonna almost-but-not-quite-end this time" could actually happen!

Getting to the bottom of it.
August 6, 2008
So I had to call up the head writer, and find out what's the deal with anthrax thing. I mean, I read about it days ago. The show's called "24", not "96". If you're gonna rip off a plot, could you at least maintain the format.
But the writer first tells me that it was just luck, that this Scientist guy really did attack the US. So I say, "I know writers work late hours, but you gotta slow down on the speed, son - you're hallucinating."
He doesn't say anything for a while, then says, yeah, well, we're not using that anthrax plot anyway. I'm working on a cool re-write now. He wouldn't tell me much, but he said it involved flagpoles, and some skydiving for me.

Now that's what I'm talking about! That'll REAM the competition!
"Kiefer Sutherland and the Anthrax Attacks" continued... click here to Read More!

Chatroom for actresses considered for the role of Hannah Montana

Chatroom for actresses considered for the role of Hannah Montana.

Miley_Billysbaby_Cyrus has entered the chatroom.

Miley_Billysbaby_Cyrus: Hello? Anyone here?

JoJo_you_know: Hey Miley, it’s me JoJo.

Miley_Billysbaby_Cyrus: Oh wow, I didn’t know anyone even used this chat room! I mean. I’ve been so busy I haven’t really had time to check!

JoJo_you_know: Oh yeah, I like to come in here just to think… I mean… I am busy too you know!?



Miley_Billysbaby_Cyrus: Oh for sure, yeah I mean… I’ve heard you’ve been… busy.

JoJo_you_know: Yeah, I mean… did you hear about my movie? It opens on August 9th on Lifetime! I mean, the previews are through the roof – we’re thinking we might get like 2 million viewers!!

Miley_Billysbaby_Cyrus: Oh good for you! I remember when my movie concert broke the 50 Million dollar mark… we had so much fun that night!

JoJo_you_know: Oh. Right. Forgot about that. Well I AM releasing a new album this year, and since my last album debuted at number 3, we’re really hoping for a number 2 this time! *CROSSES FINGERS*

Miley_Billysbaby_Cyrus: Oh I KNOW! I was wearing the same socks the day my SECOND album debuted at number 1, so when my THIRD album debuted last month they made me wear the socks again… and YEP! It worked, three albums, three number ones!

JoJo_you_know: …. Oh…. Yeah…

Miley_Billysbaby_Cyrus: The socks are now dipped in gold and hanging at the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame! LOL My dad can be so silly.

JoJo_you_know: yeah, well, I mean I’ve got to work with some AMAZING actors! I mean Robin Williams is an ICON.

Miley_Billysbaby_Cyrus: Oh isn’t that fun! I mean, not only is my dad famous, but I’ve got to work with Dolly Parton, and just recently with so many cool dancers and famous people…

JoJo_you_know: YOU KNOW, YOU DON’T HAVE TO RUB IT IN MY FACE MILEY. I GET IT. I TURNED IT DOWN, OK? I MEAN YOU’VE GOT ALL THE MONEY AND ALL THE FAME AND GET TO WORK WITH ALL THE FAMOUS PEOPLE! I GET IT!

Miley_Billysbaby_Cyrus: Heeeeey… No JoJo, I TOTALLY respect your choice to turn it down. I mean, your doing your own work, and I appreciate that. Besides, didn’t you get to work with Valerie Bertinelli in your last movie?

JoJo_you_know has left the chatroom.

Miley_Billysbaby_Cyrus: Hello? JoJo? You there?

Jordan_McCoy has entered the chatroom

Jordan_McCoy: HEY MILEY!

Miley_Billysbaby_Cyrus: Hi. Wait, who is this?

"Chatroom for actresses considered for the role of Hannah Montana" continued... click here to Read More!

Dropping a Dime on Designers

This is a transcript of a call that was intercepted between three of the hottest Hollywood fashion designers…the designers have been given pseudonyms to protect their identities.

Designer1: Morning everyone, shall we begin?

Designer2: Sure.

Designer3: Ok…I think the first thing we need to address is the next big trend.

D1: I agree. I think it’s still accessories. Those oversized bug eye sunglasses went over very well.

D3: I can’t believe they became so big…The trend I mean, not just the size of the lenses.

D2: Who’d have thought that they’d believe something that makes them look like a reject from the latest “Return of the Fly” movie would make them ‘cool’?

D3: No doubt. I got Ashley Olson to wear a headband around the front of her head, instead of over it.

D2: I saw that Lourdes, Madonna’s daughter, copied that too! *laughs*

D1: Well I got Mary-Kate to wear a bright watercolor print Mumu and she only weighs like 80 lbs…that was a hoot!

D2: Nothing beats the time I got Bjork to wear that swan dress! *snorts*

D3: Remember when I got Lara Flynn-Boyle to wear a tutu with faux ballet slippers that had ribbons that went up her legs…she was so thin…It’s easier to dress a broom handle!

D2: Don’t forget the time I got Celine Dion to wear her suit backwards to the Grammy’s that was so crazy!

D1: Did either of you ever think back in design school that you would get to wield such power? I mean think about it…we say something is cool and trendy and it is….

D3: I was thinking…wouldn’t it be funny to say, make a dress out of a hefty trash bag and tell them it was the newest thing in “green” clothing?

D2: *snorts* I know, right? I’ll still never forgive myself to introducing Ashton Kutcher to trucker hats…that is worse than a hefty bag!

The call is disconnected…

"Dropping a Dime on Designers" continued... click here to Read More!