To: KabbalahKougar@materialgirl.meow
From: Lockstockandsnatch@baddirector.cam
Date: June 26, 2008
Subject: What the F!
Mommy, what are you doing? You tell the rags that you hired that skanky lawyer Fiona Shackleton and you don’t even tell me that you’re thinking of leaving me? What the F!
To: Lockstockandsnatch@baddirector.cam
From: KabbalahKougar@materialgirl.meow
Date: June 26, 2008
Subject: Re: What the F!
First off, how many times do I need to tell you to stop calling me Mommy? I’m only 10 years older than you! 2nd, Fiona is a great lawyer and she did a wonderful job for Paul McCartney so why shouldn’t I have the best?
Now be a good boy and bring the case of Kabbalah water in from the Range Rover when you come to visit the kids.
To: KabbalahKougar@materialgirl.meow
From: Lockstockandsnatch@baddirector.cam
Date: June 26, 2008
Subject: Re:What the F!
Who do you think I am? Heather “the gold-digger” Mills? I have my own career and I don’t need your stinking money.
And for the record, that Kabbalah water you think is so “spiritually uplifting” It’s tap water bitch! I’ve been refilling the same case of water with the hose from the garden for months! Oh yeah, did I mention I hate your fake British accent? Funny how you dropped it the minute you were interviewed about the divorce!
Drop the man, drop the accent! You POSER!
To: Lockstockandsnatch@baddirector.cam
From: KabbalahKougar@materialgirl.meow
Date: June 26, 2008
Subject: Re: What the F!
OMG! I need to call the Rabbi, I’ve been drinking hose water! I’m going to go to hell! Where do you get off calling ME, the Queen of Music, a poser!
You’re the poser…a one hit wonder - what have you done since Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels?
To: KabbalahKougar@materialgirl.meow
From: Lockstockandsnatch@baddirector.cam
Date: June 26, 2008
Subject: Re:What the F!
Gee, my career’s in the toilet... maybe it’s because I keep hiring my old hag of a wife! "Swept Away" and "Snatch", my ass! My career’s been in the crapper because of you! It’s a pattern with you; first Sean and “Shanghai Surprise” - now me!
Oh did I mention YOU’RE the stupid one?
NO PRENUP! I’ll see you in court!
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