Captured from Barry Bonds Twitter page:
8:00 am: Checked phone messages. None there.
8:12 am: Called agent to check if he had any messages for me. He had none.
8:20 am: Called Hotel front desk to check if they had any messages for me. Hotel Clerk reminded me that they only take messages for people staying at the hotel, and I am at my house. Obviously he's a racist.
8:36 am: went out to mailbox to check mail. Nothing there.
8:45 am: Called post office to complain about slow mail service. Gave me some BS about schedules and stuff. Must be racists.
8:56 am: Called post office back. They had no messages for me.
9:10 am: Called post office back, still have not got mail. I told them I'd give his name to Jose Canseco if he didn't deliver mail right now. Guy accused me of BLACKmail. See, I was right, he's a racist.
10:00 am: called agent again. No messages. Told me he'd call if he hears anything. He thinks all GMs are racists.
10:35 am: Checked into hotel.
10:36 am: Called front desk to check messages, they had none.
11:00 am: Called agent. He said to stop calling, he was working. I'm beginning to think he might be a racist.
11:35 am: Went down to hotel front desk to see if mail was there. Still nothing.
12:10 pm: Called agent to see if he can get me into a better hotel. Line is disconnected. Damn Racist. I'm gonna go call Al Sharpton
"Barry Bonds Twitter" continued... click here to Read More!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
Excerpt taken from the “Online Draft for Un-Represented Talents"
ROUND 14 of 14
Draft_Manager: OK guys, last round! Remember, just like in the other rounds, you have 3 minutes to select your talent, and once you made your decision you cannot go back. Good luck gentlemen.
Sal_Rosdenburg: Alright, for my first pick, I am going to take Baby Tiffany!
Mark_Epstein: Wait, you mean that kid who fell down the well in the 80’s?
Sal_Rosdenburg: No no, that was Baby Jessica, this one was trapped in a schoolbus overnight in 1991. She’s releasing an album in June.
Ronnie_Cohen: Meh, Jessica is a recluse now; I picked her up in the draft a few years ago. Anyway, for my pick I’m taking the “Can you hear me now?” guy from those cellphone commercials!
Kevin_Katz: Oh good one, good one.
Sal_Rosdenburg: Yeah nice snag. I didn’t think he’d drop this low, I forgot all about it.
Ronnie_Cohen: Apparently it’s the only line he can memorize – but I think with some editing I can make him into a star.
Kevin_Katz: Alright Ronnie calm down…. I’ve got a better pick. This round I am taking Julie “Bulldog” Crossley.
Ronnie_Cohen: Who?
Stew_McPhee: Yeah WHO?
Kevin_Katz: Ol’ Bulldog was the runner up for the USARPS league championship.
Stew_McPhee: Oh…. Wait, WHO?
Kevin_Katz: *SIGH* She’s the runner up for the Rock, Paper, Scissors Championship.
Stew_McPhee: Damn, not bad… not bad. Ok who is left?
Kevin_Katz: Not much man…
Sal_Rosdenburg: Yeah it’s getting pretty slim pickings.
Stew_McPhee: OK, OK, I’ll guess I’ll take “Chirpy” the pigeon who steals chips from the convenience store when the door opens… maybe Lays will be interested!
Brian_Ronstein: NOOOOOOOOO! DAMN YOU!
Stew_McPhee: Ha ha, sorry man….
Kevin_Katz: Oh Brian, only ONE pick left.
Mark_Epstein: Ha ha, that sucks Brian… good luck man.
Brian_Ronstein: Do I HAVE to take him?
Draft_Manager: Sorry Brian, but the rules state you have to take an available talent, or lose all your picks from the previous rounds.
Brian_Ronstein: Man, that’s a tough call…
Draft_Manager: You have ONE minute left.
Brian_Ronstein: *SIGH* Ok, fine… I take…. Andy Dick.
Brian Ronstein has left the chat.
"
" continued... click here to Read More!
ROUND 14 of 14
Draft_Manager: OK guys, last round! Remember, just like in the other rounds, you have 3 minutes to select your talent, and once you made your decision you cannot go back. Good luck gentlemen.
Sal_Rosdenburg: Alright, for my first pick, I am going to take Baby Tiffany!
Mark_Epstein: Wait, you mean that kid who fell down the well in the 80’s?
Sal_Rosdenburg: No no, that was Baby Jessica, this one was trapped in a schoolbus overnight in 1991. She’s releasing an album in June.
Ronnie_Cohen: Meh, Jessica is a recluse now; I picked her up in the draft a few years ago. Anyway, for my pick I’m taking the “Can you hear me now?” guy from those cellphone commercials!
Kevin_Katz: Oh good one, good one.
Sal_Rosdenburg: Yeah nice snag. I didn’t think he’d drop this low, I forgot all about it.
Ronnie_Cohen: Apparently it’s the only line he can memorize – but I think with some editing I can make him into a star.
Kevin_Katz: Alright Ronnie calm down…. I’ve got a better pick. This round I am taking Julie “Bulldog” Crossley.
Ronnie_Cohen: Who?
Stew_McPhee: Yeah WHO?
Kevin_Katz: Ol’ Bulldog was the runner up for the USARPS league championship.
Stew_McPhee: Oh…. Wait, WHO?
Kevin_Katz: *SIGH* She’s the runner up for the Rock, Paper, Scissors Championship.
Stew_McPhee: Damn, not bad… not bad. Ok who is left?
Kevin_Katz: Not much man…
Sal_Rosdenburg: Yeah it’s getting pretty slim pickings.
Stew_McPhee: OK, OK, I’ll guess I’ll take “Chirpy” the pigeon who steals chips from the convenience store when the door opens… maybe Lays will be interested!
Brian_Ronstein: NOOOOOOOOO! DAMN YOU!
Stew_McPhee: Ha ha, sorry man….
Kevin_Katz: Oh Brian, only ONE pick left.
Mark_Epstein: Ha ha, that sucks Brian… good luck man.
Brian_Ronstein: Do I HAVE to take him?
Draft_Manager: Sorry Brian, but the rules state you have to take an available talent, or lose all your picks from the previous rounds.
Brian_Ronstein: Man, that’s a tough call…
Draft_Manager: You have ONE minute left.
Brian_Ronstein: *SIGH* Ok, fine… I take…. Andy Dick.
Brian Ronstein has left the chat.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Speed Racer Traffic Report
an excerpt from a morning TV news report
News Anchor Chip Rollins: ...Ha, Ha, that's great, Michelle, sounds like a fabulous weekend. Now for a look at the traffic, let's turn to our new traffic reporter, Greg "Speed" Racer. Greg?
Speed Racer: Ah, thanks Mr. Rollins. Well, out on Shoreline Drive, there's sure a lot of cars out there. And man - they look like ants from up here! I'm used to being right down there on the hot top, not up here in the chopper, you know? But since my movie didn't do so good, I had to take this freaking job.
Chip Rollins: haha! Right! Now Speed, could you let us know how the traffic is moving?
Speed Racer: Moving? Out on the nterstate, they're barely moving at all! I mean c'mon, the gas is on the right, Gramma! Crank it up!
Chip Rollins: Umm, ok. But Speed, the pictures that they're showing us now aren't exactly bumper to bumper traffic, you know? It looks like the cars are moving pretty well for rush hour, maybe 50 mph?
Speed Racer: 50? Are you kidding? When I beat the masked racer, I averaged over 200 mph! And I had to jump a canyon with my super-stilts! That's button "A" for you kids at home.
Chip Rollins: Right, so anyway...
Speed Racer: and what the hell do you mean, "bumper to bumper"? There's gotta be 4 or 5 feet between some of those cars! When I won the Amazon Super Race, I was so close to the Phantom Racer he was cutting through my car with his buzzsaw arms! That's bumper to bumper!
Chip Rollins: Ha, ha, right! But I don't think our friends will be seeing any buzzsaws out on the Expressway today, thanks Speed...
Speed Racer: well, if they do, they can just send out their micro homing robots to....
Speed's feed is mysteriously cut off.
"Speed Racer Traffic Report" continued... click here to Read More!
News Anchor Chip Rollins: ...Ha, Ha, that's great, Michelle, sounds like a fabulous weekend. Now for a look at the traffic, let's turn to our new traffic reporter, Greg "Speed" Racer. Greg?
Speed Racer: Ah, thanks Mr. Rollins. Well, out on Shoreline Drive, there's sure a lot of cars out there. And man - they look like ants from up here! I'm used to being right down there on the hot top, not up here in the chopper, you know? But since my movie didn't do so good, I had to take this freaking job.
Chip Rollins: haha! Right! Now Speed, could you let us know how the traffic is moving?
Speed Racer: Moving? Out on the nterstate, they're barely moving at all! I mean c'mon, the gas is on the right, Gramma! Crank it up!
Chip Rollins: Umm, ok. But Speed, the pictures that they're showing us now aren't exactly bumper to bumper traffic, you know? It looks like the cars are moving pretty well for rush hour, maybe 50 mph?
Speed Racer: 50? Are you kidding? When I beat the masked racer, I averaged over 200 mph! And I had to jump a canyon with my super-stilts! That's button "A" for you kids at home.
Chip Rollins: Right, so anyway...
Speed Racer: and what the hell do you mean, "bumper to bumper"? There's gotta be 4 or 5 feet between some of those cars! When I won the Amazon Super Race, I was so close to the Phantom Racer he was cutting through my car with his buzzsaw arms! That's bumper to bumper!
Chip Rollins: Ha, ha, right! But I don't think our friends will be seeing any buzzsaws out on the Expressway today, thanks Speed...
Speed Racer: well, if they do, they can just send out their micro homing robots to....
Speed's feed is mysteriously cut off.
"Speed Racer Traffic Report" continued... click here to Read More!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
If Only Eddie Murphy were Eddie Money
The following was taken from an intercepted call between Eddie Murphy and his agent, Bob Grabow.
Eddie Murphy: Morning Bob, what have you got for me today?
Bob Grabow: Well, Eddie, the news on your last movie, Meet Dave, is not good. It was only number seven last week and this week it is already out of the top ten. I’m sorry.
Eddie: Bob, this is unacceptable… I’m just sayin’ I don’t need another Pluto Nash here, Bob.
Bob: Now Eddie, I’ve tried to help you out money-wise as best I can. Didn’t I get you two roles in Meet Dave?
Eddie: Yeah, but you got me three roles and a producer credit for Norbit.
Bob: I did, but….
Eddie: And I had eight roles and an executive producer credit for Nutty Professor II…
Bob: Ok, Eddie, you want to know why your revenue is down? You demanded separate salaries, trailers and assistants for each character! That’s eight salaries, eight trailers, eight assistants, not to mention your salary as an executive producer. That cuts into profits! Nutty Professor II did ok, but not that well. People are getting tired of seeing you in multiple roles.
Eddie: Bob, I’ve got EIGHT KIDS and four baby mommas…do you have any idea of what that does to my bankroll?
Bob: Now Eddie…I’ve got some work lined up for you, Shrek 4, Shrek 5, The Incredible Shrinking Man, The Romeo and Juliet project and they just green-lit Beverly Hills Cop IV. What more can you ask? I’ve got you working until 2013….and don’t forget all the corporate speaking dates I made for you.
Eddie: You’re right, Bob, I just got to relax….I’m getting too uptight.
A voice from the background is overheard…
Mr. Murphy, baby momma number four is on line two…
Eddie: Valerie, can’t you see I’m on the phone with my agent? Tell Mel B the Spice Girl the check’s in the mail! Sheesh.
Bob: Are you back, Eddie?
Eddie: Yes, sorry Bob, where were we?
Eddie Murphy: Morning Bob, what have you got for me today?
Bob Grabow: Well, Eddie, the news on your last movie, Meet Dave, is not good. It was only number seven last week and this week it is already out of the top ten. I’m sorry.
Eddie: Bob, this is unacceptable… I’m just sayin’ I don’t need another Pluto Nash here, Bob.
Bob: Now Eddie, I’ve tried to help you out money-wise as best I can. Didn’t I get you two roles in Meet Dave?
Eddie: Yeah, but you got me three roles and a producer credit for Norbit.
Bob: I did, but….
Eddie: And I had eight roles and an executive producer credit for Nutty Professor II…
Bob: Ok, Eddie, you want to know why your revenue is down? You demanded separate salaries, trailers and assistants for each character! That’s eight salaries, eight trailers, eight assistants, not to mention your salary as an executive producer. That cuts into profits! Nutty Professor II did ok, but not that well. People are getting tired of seeing you in multiple roles.
Eddie: Bob, I’ve got EIGHT KIDS and four baby mommas…do you have any idea of what that does to my bankroll?
Bob: Now Eddie…I’ve got some work lined up for you, Shrek 4, Shrek 5, The Incredible Shrinking Man, The Romeo and Juliet project and they just green-lit Beverly Hills Cop IV. What more can you ask? I’ve got you working until 2013….and don’t forget all the corporate speaking dates I made for you.
Eddie: You’re right, Bob, I just got to relax….I’m getting too uptight.
A voice from the background is overheard…
Mr. Murphy, baby momma number four is on line two…
Eddie: Valerie, can’t you see I’m on the phone with my agent? Tell Mel B the Spice Girl the check’s in the mail! Sheesh.
Bob: Are you back, Eddie?
Eddie: Yes, sorry Bob, where were we?
Bob: I was reminding you to relax, even if Meet Dave doesn’t meet expectations, you’ve got work lined up…
A voice from the background is overheard…
Mr. Murphy, baby momma number two is on line three….
Eddie: Consuela, I just told Valerie that I’m on the phone! You tell that woman that I paid the college tuition and set up a credit card for him…
Eddie: Sorry Bob, it’s a little busy here, you know with back to school and all…
Bob: Oh I know how that is, I put mine through school and now they work with me…can you imagine?
Eddie: Man, I don’t know how you stand it…
A voice from the background is overheard…
Mr. Murphy, your ex is on line four…
Eddie: Qualeesha, you make sure the secretarial pool out there knows I’m on the phone…and tell her I mailed the check yesterday and I did include the money for Zola’s riding lessons…Now tell everyone to leave me alone, I’m on the phone!
*deep breathing*
Bob: You ok Eddie?
Eddie: Yeah, yeah…
Bob: As I was saying between the projects I’ve already lined up and the corporate events, you’ll be a very busy man…Eddie: When you say corporate events, what exactly are you saying?Bob: These businesses hire you to come to their conventions or what not and do an hour or so of “clean” stand up comedy and then pay you hideously large sums of money. They pay travel expenses too.
Eddie: Oh wow…so it looks like we’ll have money coming in for a while?
A voice from the background is overheard…
Mr. Murphy, baby momma number one is on the phone…
Eddie: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!
Click! The phone call is disconnected.
"If Only Eddie Murphy were Eddie Money" continued... click here to Read More!
A voice from the background is overheard…
Mr. Murphy, baby momma number two is on line three….
Eddie: Consuela, I just told Valerie that I’m on the phone! You tell that woman that I paid the college tuition and set up a credit card for him…
Eddie: Sorry Bob, it’s a little busy here, you know with back to school and all…
Bob: Oh I know how that is, I put mine through school and now they work with me…can you imagine?
Eddie: Man, I don’t know how you stand it…
A voice from the background is overheard…
Mr. Murphy, your ex is on line four…
Eddie: Qualeesha, you make sure the secretarial pool out there knows I’m on the phone…and tell her I mailed the check yesterday and I did include the money for Zola’s riding lessons…Now tell everyone to leave me alone, I’m on the phone!
*deep breathing*
Bob: You ok Eddie?
Eddie: Yeah, yeah…
Bob: As I was saying between the projects I’ve already lined up and the corporate events, you’ll be a very busy man…Eddie: When you say corporate events, what exactly are you saying?Bob: These businesses hire you to come to their conventions or what not and do an hour or so of “clean” stand up comedy and then pay you hideously large sums of money. They pay travel expenses too.
Eddie: Oh wow…so it looks like we’ll have money coming in for a while?
A voice from the background is overheard…
Mr. Murphy, baby momma number one is on the phone…
Eddie: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!
Click! The phone call is disconnected.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Hard Times in Hollywood
The following is an excerpt taken from a little known celebrity chat room for celebrities who have done prison time:
MarthaS: you mix the packets of ketchup, relish and two fingers full of Cheese Whiz and that is how you make nacho dip in the “big house”.
DontMesswiththeLohan: I’ll keep that in mind.
ParisHotel: That’s hot.
KhloeKard: Oh sweet Jebus, thank GAWD I’m out!
ParisHotel: Hi, Khloe, how was the pokey? *snickers*
KhloeKard: UH! Lynnwood sux! That was the longest day of my life!
DontMesswiththeLohan: I know right, time goes so slow in prison!
NicoleisRich: LiLo, like you even have a clue. You only did EIGHTY-FOUR minutes.
ParisHotel: Give it up, Nicole, you did even less, eighty-TWO minutes. Khloe did more time, 173 minutes is nothing to sneeze at, that’s hot.
DontmesswiththeLohan: SO! Who are you to say anything?
ParisHotel: I did hard time, baby, hard time, 22 DAYS. If you three added your time it wouldn’t even be a day! That’s why I can make you my biotch! Ohh, that’s hot!
NicoleisRich: Yeah, well I spent six weeks in an airstream trailer with you! Simple Life my ass! That was worse than any time in Lynnwood!
MarthaS: Ladies, ladies. Now, far be it from me to mention I actually did hard time, five months…In a Federal prison.
KhloeKard: Uh, don’t they call that prison “Camp Cupcake”?
MarthaS
: I thought they called it Camp Cupcake since I taught my "home girls" to make cupcakes using only pitabread, mocha coffee mate creamer and water!
ParisHotel: Daaamn, lady, and they say I'm not bright. At least I'm hot.
MarthaS: But my agent said they renamed it....I gotta go call my agent!
MarthaS has left the room
IamJackBauer: Afternoon, ladies. It's 3pm only 9 hours left in today...then a new 24 hours begins.
DontMesswiththeLohan: Hi, Kiefer. Not to be rude, but are you sure you're in the right place?
NicoleisRich: Yeah, this is the celebrity chatroom for those of us who have done TIME.
KhloeKard: And not just for a role...
IamJackBauer: Hello!? I just did 48 DAYS! My entire sentence! I spent my birthday, Christmas and New Year's in jail...You little punks couldn't handle the time I've done...wussies...
Connection to the chat room has been lost.
"Hard Times in Hollywood" continued... click here to Read More!
MarthaS: you mix the packets of ketchup, relish and two fingers full of Cheese Whiz and that is how you make nacho dip in the “big house”.
DontMesswiththeLohan: I’ll keep that in mind.
ParisHotel: That’s hot.
KhloeKard: Oh sweet Jebus, thank GAWD I’m out!
ParisHotel: Hi, Khloe, how was the pokey? *snickers*
KhloeKard: UH! Lynnwood sux! That was the longest day of my life!
DontMesswiththeLohan: I know right, time goes so slow in prison!
NicoleisRich: LiLo, like you even have a clue. You only did EIGHTY-FOUR minutes.
ParisHotel: Give it up, Nicole, you did even less, eighty-TWO minutes. Khloe did more time, 173 minutes is nothing to sneeze at, that’s hot.
DontmesswiththeLohan: SO! Who are you to say anything?
ParisHotel: I did hard time, baby, hard time, 22 DAYS. If you three added your time it wouldn’t even be a day! That’s why I can make you my biotch! Ohh, that’s hot!
NicoleisRich: Yeah, well I spent six weeks in an airstream trailer with you! Simple Life my ass! That was worse than any time in Lynnwood!
MarthaS: Ladies, ladies. Now, far be it from me to mention I actually did hard time, five months…In a Federal prison.
KhloeKard: Uh, don’t they call that prison “Camp Cupcake”?
MarthaS
: I thought they called it Camp Cupcake since I taught my "home girls" to make cupcakes using only pitabread, mocha coffee mate creamer and water!
ParisHotel: Daaamn, lady, and they say I'm not bright. At least I'm hot.
MarthaS: But my agent said they renamed it....I gotta go call my agent!
MarthaS has left the room
IamJackBauer: Afternoon, ladies. It's 3pm only 9 hours left in today...then a new 24 hours begins.
DontMesswiththeLohan: Hi, Kiefer. Not to be rude, but are you sure you're in the right place?
NicoleisRich: Yeah, this is the celebrity chatroom for those of us who have done TIME.
KhloeKard: And not just for a role...
IamJackBauer: Hello!? I just did 48 DAYS! My entire sentence! I spent my birthday, Christmas and New Year's in jail...You little punks couldn't handle the time I've done...wussies...
KhloeKard has left the room.
NicoleisRich has left the room.
DontMesswiththeLohan has left the room.
ParisHotel
: Oh, you've done real time...That's HOT! Wanna go to The Ivy for lunch?
Connection to the chat room has been lost.
"Hard Times in Hollywood" continued... click here to Read More!
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
William Peterson leaving CSI
from an email from William Peterson to the producers of "CSI":
Hi Guys; I know we've talked about this before, but I've made my final decision: I'm leaving the show. I mean, the episodes we've already partially filmed I'll help finish, just for creative integrity, of course. I know you've already got the script for the one where I appear shirtless, and there's that group of models in trouble. But after that, I've really got to go.
Frankly, I'm not sure where the show can go anymore, creatively. I think murder has been done to death.
I think all the shots of travelling through blood from a bullets' perspective are cool and stuff, but it just isn't fresh anymore. And that idea you were bouncing around: the shot through the blood, but with me shrunk down travelling through the blood in a nano-spaceship? Ummm... Can you hear that? That's the "it's done" bell!!!
I mean, maybe I could do a guest shot or something, if you try to carry on without me. Like, I don't know, if Jorja Fox was coming back, and the plot really calls for a hot love scene. Well, I'll see if I can make some time.
But aside from that, I'm not sure what else you could do? I think we've killed everyone there is to kill, and in every way there is to die. I saw the whiteboard in the writers' room. I mean, "guy impaled on show girl's high heel", "old man's head sliced off by out of control roulette wheel", "woman asphyxiates from Celine Dion withdrawal"? Seriously, I hear that "all done" bell ringing louder. And that idea about the guy killing someone and cooking his liver? sounds familiar.
I can't even wash the finger print powder off my hands anymore. Besides, it's been like 9 years, aren't audiences eventually going to figure out that forensics people really don't actually catch anyone, they are just lab geeks?
OK, I gotta go live and die in you know where,
Bill "William Peterson leaving CSI" continued... click here to Read More!
Hi Guys; I know we've talked about this before, but I've made my final decision: I'm leaving the show. I mean, the episodes we've already partially filmed I'll help finish, just for creative integrity, of course. I know you've already got the script for the one where I appear shirtless, and there's that group of models in trouble. But after that, I've really got to go.
Frankly, I'm not sure where the show can go anymore, creatively. I think murder has been done to death.
I think all the shots of travelling through blood from a bullets' perspective are cool and stuff, but it just isn't fresh anymore. And that idea you were bouncing around: the shot through the blood, but with me shrunk down travelling through the blood in a nano-spaceship? Ummm... Can you hear that? That's the "it's done" bell!!!
I mean, maybe I could do a guest shot or something, if you try to carry on without me. Like, I don't know, if Jorja Fox was coming back, and the plot really calls for a hot love scene. Well, I'll see if I can make some time.
But aside from that, I'm not sure what else you could do? I think we've killed everyone there is to kill, and in every way there is to die. I saw the whiteboard in the writers' room. I mean, "guy impaled on show girl's high heel", "old man's head sliced off by out of control roulette wheel", "woman asphyxiates from Celine Dion withdrawal"? Seriously, I hear that "all done" bell ringing louder. And that idea about the guy killing someone and cooking his liver? sounds familiar.
I can't even wash the finger print powder off my hands anymore. Besides, it's been like 9 years, aren't audiences eventually going to figure out that forensics people really don't actually catch anyone, they are just lab geeks?
OK, I gotta go live and die in you know where,
Bill "William Peterson leaving CSI" continued... click here to Read More!
Monday, July 21, 2008
Miley's not so Smiley
The following is a transcript of footage taken from a hidden camera during the photo session with Miley Cyrus and famed photographer Annie Leibovitz.
Annie Leibovitz: Ok, Billy Ray, one more with Miley and you’ll be done.
Billy Ray Cyrus: That’s cool, I gotta be on a plane in an hour…If I miss it my heart will be all “Achy Breaky”. Get it? Achy Breaky Heart!
Annie: Uh, yeah. That will be all. Want to see the last one?
Billy Ray: Whoo wee. The pictures look good! Now I’d best skedaddle or I’ll miss that flight! Miley, you listen to Annie, ya hear?
Miley: Bye Dad! I'll be an angel, like always! Don't worry about me!
Annie: Ok, Miley, I have this pink chiffon party dress for you to change into.
Miley: Oh, Annie, I’m so tired of being seen as this little girl…Can’t we do something more, well grown up?
Annie: Well I could get you some pearls to go with the dress…
Miley: *snorts* That is so NOT what I meant? Sweet niblets! Here, look at these pictures I took with my cellphone…This is me in my favorite bra, this is me in my favorite white shirt in the shower…It’s sooooo hot!
Annie: Miley, I’m not sure…
Miley: And here’s one of me kissing my bff Mandy.
Annie: Well, we could try something different.
Miley: I wanna do something artsy…not skanky. I wanna take my top off.
Annie: Miley! I’m not gonna take a photo of you naked. There are people that will construe it as “child porn”.
Miley: But nekkid is soooo artsy!
Annie: I’m not sure about this…
Miley: Well, all right, gimme that sheet! I’ll cover my tatters.
And the rest is tabloid history.
"Miley's not so Smiley" continued... click here to Read More!
Annie Leibovitz: Ok, Billy Ray, one more with Miley and you’ll be done.
Billy Ray Cyrus: That’s cool, I gotta be on a plane in an hour…If I miss it my heart will be all “Achy Breaky”. Get it? Achy Breaky Heart!
Annie: Uh, yeah. That will be all. Want to see the last one?
Billy Ray: Whoo wee. The pictures look good! Now I’d best skedaddle or I’ll miss that flight! Miley, you listen to Annie, ya hear?
Miley: Bye Dad! I'll be an angel, like always! Don't worry about me!
Annie: Ok, Miley, I have this pink chiffon party dress for you to change into.
Miley: Oh, Annie, I’m so tired of being seen as this little girl…Can’t we do something more, well grown up?
Annie: Well I could get you some pearls to go with the dress…
Miley: *snorts* That is so NOT what I meant? Sweet niblets! Here, look at these pictures I took with my cellphone…This is me in my favorite bra, this is me in my favorite white shirt in the shower…It’s sooooo hot!
Annie: Miley, I’m not sure…
Miley: And here’s one of me kissing my bff Mandy.
Annie: Well, we could try something different.
Miley: I wanna do something artsy…not skanky. I wanna take my top off.
Annie: Miley! I’m not gonna take a photo of you naked. There are people that will construe it as “child porn”.
Miley: But nekkid is soooo artsy!
Annie: I’m not sure about this…
Miley: Well, all right, gimme that sheet! I’ll cover my tatters.
And the rest is tabloid history.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Scream 4 brainstorming session
captured from the "Scream 4 brainstorming session" Private Chatroom
K_teenangst_Williamson has entered the chatroom.
Wes_Craven_some_more: Kevin, buddy, you made it!
K_teenangst_Williamson: Yeah, man, I told you I would... and AAMOF I think I may have an idea.
Studio_exec1: Hey that's good news man!
Studio_exec2: Yeah, we're glad to hear it.
K_teenangst_Williamson: Wait.. WTF are they doing here?
Wes_Craven_some_more: Oh, them? Just some studio execs, they like to hear about my ideas and sometimes have some really good input.
Studio_exec1: Yeah, remember that bottle of Pepsi Rachel McAdams drank in "Red Eye"? All me baby!
Wes_Craven_some_more: That's right! Product placement is gold baby! Anyway, let's hear this idea Kevin!
K_teenangst_Williamson: LOL Ok, well it starts with a highschool. We're introduced to these two characters, the one is a girl who isn't really sure who she is, and the other is her boyfriend who wants to make the girl fall in love with him.
Wes_Craven_some_more: Wait... this sounds familiar...
K_teenangst_Williamson: Well, we find out these two have been friends since they were kids and they are each other's first REAL love. <3
Wes_Craven_some_more: GODDAMMIT Kevin. You already WROTE this shit - 10 years ago!
K_teenangst_Williamson: What are you talking about?
Wes_Craven_some_more: Dude, that's "Dawson's Creek!"
K_teenangst_Williamson: OMG man, whatever! I did that show forever ago! Besides, AFAIK teenage angst is IN right now.
Studio_exec2: Wait, what if the girl always wore Osh Kosh jeans, we've got a pending contract with them.
Studio_exec1: Oh, and she has to be addicted to Red Bull. Red Bull is real popular with the teen demos.
Wes_Craven_some_more: Guys, shut up. Kevin - listen man, I understand that teenage love stories are popular, but this one just sounds like that show!
K_teenangst_Williamson: Ur just being mean... besides, it was ONE show - why can't I write about teenagers falling in love again.
Wes_Craven_some_more: Uh... you did. What about those "Last Summer" movies?
K_teenangst_Williamson: You mean IKWYDLS? Dude, that was totally different - in those movies the teenage girls were BLONDE.
Wes_Craven_some_more: Kevin, man, listen. You've done the teenager thing... a LOT. Scream, I Know What You did Last Summer, The Faculty, Dawson's Creek, Teaching Mrs Tingle, Hidden Palms... maybe it's time you wrote something about some OLDER people.
K_teenangst_Williamson: Why? Teenagers are awesome... I mean, I identify so much with all their issues, and fumbling through awkward sexual conversations...
Wes_Craven_some_more: Dude... you're starting to freak ME out... you're 43 years OLD!
K_teenangst_Williamson: OO what if the male character has had a lifelong dream to become a director, AND he might be gay! huh? Whatcha think?
Wes_Craven_some_more: You've GOT to be kidding me.
Wes_Craven_some_more has left the chatroom.
K_teenangst_Williamson: Hello? Wes?
Studio_exec1: Uhh... I think he left. But, we LOVED the idea.
K_teenangst_Williamson: OMG You did?
Studio_exec1: We sure did! Gays are marketing off the charts right now.
Studio_exec2: Oh, I've got an idea, what if the male character always uses the girls WINDOW when he wants to see her? I've got a possible deal with a Windex in the works!
K_teenangst_Williamson: ... I think I love that idea. I've even got a new title... "Scream 4: I know what you did last movie!"
Studio_exec2: Best
Studio_exec2: title...
Studio_exec2: EVER!
"Scream 4 brainstorming session" continued... click here to Read More!
K_teenangst_Williamson has entered the chatroom.
Wes_Craven_some_more: Kevin, buddy, you made it!
K_teenangst_Williamson: Yeah, man, I told you I would... and AAMOF I think I may have an idea.
Studio_exec1: Hey that's good news man!
Studio_exec2: Yeah, we're glad to hear it.
K_teenangst_Williamson: Wait.. WTF are they doing here?
Wes_Craven_some_more: Oh, them? Just some studio execs, they like to hear about my ideas and sometimes have some really good input.
Studio_exec1: Yeah, remember that bottle of Pepsi Rachel McAdams drank in "Red Eye"? All me baby!
Wes_Craven_some_more: That's right! Product placement is gold baby! Anyway, let's hear this idea Kevin!
K_teenangst_Williamson: LOL Ok, well it starts with a highschool. We're introduced to these two characters, the one is a girl who isn't really sure who she is, and the other is her boyfriend who wants to make the girl fall in love with him.
Wes_Craven_some_more: Wait... this sounds familiar...
K_teenangst_Williamson: Well, we find out these two have been friends since they were kids and they are each other's first REAL love. <3
Wes_Craven_some_more: GODDAMMIT Kevin. You already WROTE this shit - 10 years ago!
K_teenangst_Williamson: What are you talking about?
Wes_Craven_some_more: Dude, that's "Dawson's Creek!"
K_teenangst_Williamson: OMG man, whatever! I did that show forever ago! Besides, AFAIK teenage angst is IN right now.
Studio_exec2: Wait, what if the girl always wore Osh Kosh jeans, we've got a pending contract with them.
Studio_exec1: Oh, and she has to be addicted to Red Bull. Red Bull is real popular with the teen demos.
Wes_Craven_some_more: Guys, shut up. Kevin - listen man, I understand that teenage love stories are popular, but this one just sounds like that show!
K_teenangst_Williamson: Ur just being mean... besides, it was ONE show - why can't I write about teenagers falling in love again.
Wes_Craven_some_more: Uh... you did. What about those "Last Summer" movies?
K_teenangst_Williamson: You mean IKWYDLS? Dude, that was totally different - in those movies the teenage girls were BLONDE.
Wes_Craven_some_more: Kevin, man, listen. You've done the teenager thing... a LOT. Scream, I Know What You did Last Summer, The Faculty, Dawson's Creek, Teaching Mrs Tingle, Hidden Palms... maybe it's time you wrote something about some OLDER people.
K_teenangst_Williamson: Why? Teenagers are awesome... I mean, I identify so much with all their issues, and fumbling through awkward sexual conversations...
Wes_Craven_some_more: Dude... you're starting to freak ME out... you're 43 years OLD!
K_teenangst_Williamson: OO what if the male character has had a lifelong dream to become a director, AND he might be gay! huh? Whatcha think?
Wes_Craven_some_more: You've GOT to be kidding me.
Wes_Craven_some_more has left the chatroom.
K_teenangst_Williamson: Hello? Wes?
Studio_exec1: Uhh... I think he left. But, we LOVED the idea.
K_teenangst_Williamson: OMG You did?
Studio_exec1: We sure did! Gays are marketing off the charts right now.
Studio_exec2: Oh, I've got an idea, what if the male character always uses the girls WINDOW when he wants to see her? I've got a possible deal with a Windex in the works!
K_teenangst_Williamson: ... I think I love that idea. I've even got a new title... "Scream 4: I know what you did last movie!"
Studio_exec2: Best
Studio_exec2: title...
Studio_exec2: EVER!
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Cinematic Superhero Hangout
Captured from Cinematic Superhero Hangout Forum
Bats: Man, the buzz is really good for THE DARK KNIGHT, opening July 18, everywhere!
Iron-ic: Well, I got the people going. As of right now, I am the hottest thing going!
HanCo: I’m new to this game, and I came outta nowhere…and still got butts in the seats, so there you go.
Hboy: OK, well, I’m a semi-obscure semi-indie guy, and I’m doing pretty good for myself, too!
Bats: Guys, no worries. I’m not bragging. I just think it’s safe to say, I’m the big deal this summer. That’s all.
J_Laffs_Last: HA! Really? Methinks the bat’s finally lost it. It’s me…Me! I’m the one they’re coming to see!
Iron-ic: Look, a lot of people didn’t really know much if anything about me, and I was so popular MTV actually created a really pointless award just so they can acknowledge me.
I so rule…
Hboy: Yeah Iron…and you’re so humble, too… *coff* a-hole *coff*
HanCo: Man, you guys need to chill. Be happy with what you got…
J_Laffs_Last: Ha! Bite me, fly-boy. And BTW, Scientology’s wackier than I am. Ha Ha!
HanCo: Man, that was cold. I dunno why you haven’t put this one down, Bats…
Bats: Well, I want to. I really, really want to. But he’s popular…That’s why my movie will be so huge!
J_Laffs_Last: Ha Ha!! There you go! You admit it! HA HA HA HA…
J_Laffs_Last has left the forum
Hboy: you know, I’ve dealt with some weird, dark stuff before, but that Joker takes the cake.
Iron-ic: Oh you guy’s with your dark this and your brooding that…keep it light, keep it humorous. I’m on fire baby! Sequels got a new writer. It’s gonna be sweet.
Anyway, OK, got a hook up with Pepper. Peace out boys.
Iron-ic has left the forum
Bats: A-hole
Greenie: SMASH!
HanCo: You said it, bug guy. A-Hole
Hboy: A-hole
Zhan: Hey guys. What’s up?
Lguru: Hello.
Hboy: Um, you might be in the wrong forum.
J_Laffs_Last: Ha! Priceless!HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
J_Laffs_Last has left the forum
Greenie: SMASH!!!
Greenie has left the forum
Zhan: In my country we don’t tolerate hate and prejudice!
Zhan has left the forum
Lguru: We should all get along
HanCo: Yeah, yeah, we Should get along, but jeez man, your movie made me wanna drink. More.
HanCo has left the forum
Hboy: OK, I think I’m outta here too. Go home Guru.
Hboy has left the forum
Lguru: nobody loves me
Lguru has left the forum
Bats: Well, looks like it’s just me. In the end, it’s all about me after all!
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
All New Match Game
This is a transcription of an audition tape for the All New Match Game, scheduled to premier on TBS in the fall of of 2008
Andrew Daly: Hey! Thanks for coming, guys. I'm Andrew Daly, and I'll be host of the All New Match Game this fall on TBS. We're still looking for a few celebrities to fill out our regular panel, and that's why you're here. We're going to play this like a real game, and see how you do. One of our regular panelists, Norm MacDonald, will be playing the part of our "contestant", right Norm?
Norm MacDonald: Yeah,... right. Whatever you say there, uh, Andrew.
Andrew Daly: Great! So, are our Prospective Panelists ready?
David Sedaris: Yes. Yeah, Yes.
Garrison Keillor: Yep!
Mark Twain: Why... Yessir!
Andrew Daly: Faaaantastic! OK, so the first question is: "Tom's wife is Soooooo lazy"!!!!
(five minutes of silence)
Norm MacDonald: Umm, so ... er How Lazy IS she? aaahh, Andrew?
Andrew Daly: Thanks, Norm. Um... so David, Garrison, Mark; you have SEEN the show before?
David Sedaris: Sure, well, you know, that reminds me of the time me and my sister were watching my Uncle's old black and white Zenith in his trailer. So my sister says...
Andrew Daly: Right! Very Good! ANYWAY, "Tom's wife is Soooooo lazy, when she washes the dishes, she doesn't use a sponge, she uses a BLANK!"
Norm MacDonald: Right. Um.. I'm gonna say a .... bigger sponge, there... Gene! I mean, Andrew!
Andrew Daly: OK. Well, sure, maybe some day we will have a contestant with that little imagination you never know. Good play, Norm. So, let's see if the contestants can match it up.
Andrew Daly: So, David... "Tom's wife is Soooooo lazy, when she washes the dishes, she doesn't use a sponge, she uses a ..."
David Sedaris: That's funny, because my other sister is really lazy, just like that. So last March I went to visit her, since I was in town doing this book signing. So I gave her 3 weeks notice, right? Well, no, let's say 4 and a half weeks, that's funnier.... so I get there and the house looks like a hurricane....
Andrew Daly: OK, David. Now you see, you need to write down your answer. See those little cards and markers? You need to write down an answer, a SHORT answer, and then show it to me, ok? So let's move on to Garrison..
Andrew Daly: So, Garrison... "Tom's wife is Soooooo lazy, when she washes the dishes, she doesn't use a sponge, she uses a ..."
Andrew Daly: Umm, Garrison, I can see you've written your answer there on the card, but, Ummm, there's so much writing, I can't read it. Could you...
Garrison Keillor: Well, sure, Andrew! It was a pleasant day in Lake Wobegon yesterday, and let me tell you, Mrs. Bennett was tired after cooking up her famous cherry pies ALL... DAY... LONG! And you know, she made 17 of those pies, in one day! couldn't fit them all on her window sill, so she...
Andrew Daly: OK, so you see, Garrison... and others.. when I say "BLANK", it sort of assumes that blank would be filled with one word. Maybe a short phrase. You see? So Garrison, if I take that first word from your ramblings, it would be "it". See? "Tom's wife is Soooooo lazy, when she washes the dishes, she doesn't use a sponge, she uses IT!" That makes no sense, you see?
Norm MacDonald: And it's not very funny, there.... you see? either?
Andrew Daly: yeah, thanks Norm. Moving on.. Mark... "Tom's wife is Soooooo lazy, when she washes the dishes, she doesn't use a sponge, she uses a ..."
Mark Twain: It's Samuel.
Andrew Daly: DAMMIT! How hard is this Frikkin' game!!!??? "she doesn't use a sponge, she uses a SAMUEL?" That doesn't even make sense!
Mark Twain: The name's Samuel Clemens. Mark Twain was just a pen name, son.
Andrew Daly: OK, fine. Mr Clemens, "Tom's wife is Soooooo lazy, when she washes the dishes, she doesn't use a sponge, she uses a ..."
Mark Twain: and I'm dead, also.
Andrew Daly: GODDAMMIT!
Norm MacDonald: no, he's right there... a.. Gene. I'm pretty sure he's dead. Like really dead.
Garrison Keillor: Well, lemme tell ya, that never stopped old Mr. Winkle. When it was his time, he passed on, but don't you know he still made sure to...
David Sedaris: That reminds me of a guy my Brother worked with. He died. And then my brother and I went out to....
(David and Garrison walk off the stage talking)
Andrew Daly: oh, forget it!
(Andrew storms off the stage)
Mark Twain: umm.. whitewash brush?
"All New Match Game" continued... click here to Read More!
Andrew Daly: Hey! Thanks for coming, guys. I'm Andrew Daly, and I'll be host of the All New Match Game this fall on TBS. We're still looking for a few celebrities to fill out our regular panel, and that's why you're here. We're going to play this like a real game, and see how you do. One of our regular panelists, Norm MacDonald, will be playing the part of our "contestant", right Norm?
Norm MacDonald: Yeah,... right. Whatever you say there, uh, Andrew.
Andrew Daly: Great! So, are our Prospective Panelists ready?
David Sedaris: Yes. Yeah, Yes.
Garrison Keillor: Yep!
Mark Twain: Why... Yessir!
Andrew Daly: Faaaantastic! OK, so the first question is: "Tom's wife is Soooooo lazy"!!!!
(five minutes of silence)
Norm MacDonald: Umm, so ... er How Lazy IS she? aaahh, Andrew?
Andrew Daly: Thanks, Norm. Um... so David, Garrison, Mark; you have SEEN the show before?
David Sedaris: Sure, well, you know, that reminds me of the time me and my sister were watching my Uncle's old black and white Zenith in his trailer. So my sister says...
Andrew Daly: Right! Very Good! ANYWAY, "Tom's wife is Soooooo lazy, when she washes the dishes, she doesn't use a sponge, she uses a BLANK!"
Norm MacDonald: Right. Um.. I'm gonna say a .... bigger sponge, there... Gene! I mean, Andrew!
Andrew Daly: OK. Well, sure, maybe some day we will have a contestant with that little imagination you never know. Good play, Norm. So, let's see if the contestants can match it up.
Andrew Daly: So, David... "Tom's wife is Soooooo lazy, when she washes the dishes, she doesn't use a sponge, she uses a ..."
David Sedaris: That's funny, because my other sister is really lazy, just like that. So last March I went to visit her, since I was in town doing this book signing. So I gave her 3 weeks notice, right? Well, no, let's say 4 and a half weeks, that's funnier.... so I get there and the house looks like a hurricane....
Andrew Daly: OK, David. Now you see, you need to write down your answer. See those little cards and markers? You need to write down an answer, a SHORT answer, and then show it to me, ok? So let's move on to Garrison..
Andrew Daly: So, Garrison... "Tom's wife is Soooooo lazy, when she washes the dishes, she doesn't use a sponge, she uses a ..."
Andrew Daly: Umm, Garrison, I can see you've written your answer there on the card, but, Ummm, there's so much writing, I can't read it. Could you...
Garrison Keillor: Well, sure, Andrew! It was a pleasant day in Lake Wobegon yesterday, and let me tell you, Mrs. Bennett was tired after cooking up her famous cherry pies ALL... DAY... LONG! And you know, she made 17 of those pies, in one day! couldn't fit them all on her window sill, so she...
Andrew Daly: OK, so you see, Garrison... and others.. when I say "BLANK", it sort of assumes that blank would be filled with one word. Maybe a short phrase. You see? So Garrison, if I take that first word from your ramblings, it would be "it". See? "Tom's wife is Soooooo lazy, when she washes the dishes, she doesn't use a sponge, she uses IT!" That makes no sense, you see?
Norm MacDonald: And it's not very funny, there.... you see? either?
Andrew Daly: yeah, thanks Norm. Moving on.. Mark... "Tom's wife is Soooooo lazy, when she washes the dishes, she doesn't use a sponge, she uses a ..."
Mark Twain: It's Samuel.
Andrew Daly: DAMMIT! How hard is this Frikkin' game!!!??? "she doesn't use a sponge, she uses a SAMUEL?" That doesn't even make sense!
Mark Twain: The name's Samuel Clemens. Mark Twain was just a pen name, son.
Andrew Daly: OK, fine. Mr Clemens, "Tom's wife is Soooooo lazy, when she washes the dishes, she doesn't use a sponge, she uses a ..."
Mark Twain: and I'm dead, also.
Andrew Daly: GODDAMMIT!
Norm MacDonald: no, he's right there... a.. Gene. I'm pretty sure he's dead. Like really dead.
Garrison Keillor: Well, lemme tell ya, that never stopped old Mr. Winkle. When it was his time, he passed on, but don't you know he still made sure to...
David Sedaris: That reminds me of a guy my Brother worked with. He died. And then my brother and I went out to....
(David and Garrison walk off the stage talking)
Andrew Daly: oh, forget it!
(Andrew storms off the stage)
Mark Twain: umm.. whitewash brush?
"All New Match Game" continued... click here to Read More!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
The Brett Favre Farce
A transcript of an intercepted conference call between former Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre, his agent Bus Cook and Mike McCarthy coach of the Packers.
Brett Favre: Hi, Mike.
Mike McCarthy: Hi, Brett, how’s retirement treating you? Fishing much?
Bus Cook: Mike, before we go on, I wanted to let you know I’m on the line, too.
McCarthy: Brett, what’s going on? Why is Bus on the call with you?
Favre: Well, Mike, I’ve been thinking and I’ve changed my mind. I want to play this year.
Cook: What my client is trying to say is that he wants to play again.
McCarthy: Uh, Brett, might I remind you that you actually retired on March 4th, just four months ago?
Favre: Aww, I know, but you know, I got that “itch” to play.
Cook: My client wants to play, Mike.
McCarthy: What about your “farewell” tour? What about all the people that spent money on tickets as part of your final season?
Cook: What a windfall! We made a killing…think of a second farewell tour, Cher’s done it a dozen times!
McCarthy: Regardless, Brett, we’ve already started retooling team around Aaron Rogers.
Favre: Well I’d be happy to have him as my backup.
Cook: Brett’s still got three years on his contract so he’ll be ready to report to training camp.
McCarthy: Brett, I’m sorry, we can’t do that. All of our trades and our draft picks were geared to the fact that you wouldn’t be returning. We’d have to do a ton of reworking and frankly, I don’t want to do it.
Cook: Well then release him I’m sure any number of teams would be happy to have him.
McCarthy: Well, Bus, I don’t want to do that either. I could see my way to giving him the backup position.
Favre: BACK UP? BACK UP! I gave this franchise the best sixteen years of my life and you want me to be backup to Rogers!
McCarthy: Brett, I like you, you know that, but the game is starting to pass you by. I think the thing to do now is to ask yourself why now, after only FOUR months, that you want to come back. You’ve got Deanna and the girls, go spend time with them.
Favre: Mike, I’ve been home for FOUR months, with my wife and two daughters! Do you realize how many episodes of Hannah Montana I’ve seen? Breleigh has made me take her to the Best of Both Worlds tour three times! Deanna’s honey-do list is five miles long! I HAVE to play this year! I HAVE to get out of the house! If I don’t get to go on the road I’m gonna slit my wrists! YOU HAVE to let me play!
In the background, you can hear Deanna Favre calling to Brett, “Brett where are you? I need you to go pick up the dog crap in the back yard and you STILL haven’t painted the garage! Brett! Where are you?”
Favre: Man, I gotta go! I’m going to go hide in Breleigh’s play house, Bus call me back on my cell.
Cook: What my client is trying to say is that he is still in love with the game of football.
The call is disconnected.
"The Brett Favre Farce" continued... click here to Read More!
Brett Favre: Hi, Mike.
Mike McCarthy: Hi, Brett, how’s retirement treating you? Fishing much?
Bus Cook: Mike, before we go on, I wanted to let you know I’m on the line, too.
McCarthy: Brett, what’s going on? Why is Bus on the call with you?
Favre: Well, Mike, I’ve been thinking and I’ve changed my mind. I want to play this year.
Cook: What my client is trying to say is that he wants to play again.
McCarthy: Uh, Brett, might I remind you that you actually retired on March 4th, just four months ago?
Favre: Aww, I know, but you know, I got that “itch” to play.
Cook: My client wants to play, Mike.
McCarthy: What about your “farewell” tour? What about all the people that spent money on tickets as part of your final season?
Cook: What a windfall! We made a killing…think of a second farewell tour, Cher’s done it a dozen times!
McCarthy: Regardless, Brett, we’ve already started retooling team around Aaron Rogers.
Favre: Well I’d be happy to have him as my backup.
Cook: Brett’s still got three years on his contract so he’ll be ready to report to training camp.
McCarthy: Brett, I’m sorry, we can’t do that. All of our trades and our draft picks were geared to the fact that you wouldn’t be returning. We’d have to do a ton of reworking and frankly, I don’t want to do it.
Cook: Well then release him I’m sure any number of teams would be happy to have him.
McCarthy: Well, Bus, I don’t want to do that either. I could see my way to giving him the backup position.
Favre: BACK UP? BACK UP! I gave this franchise the best sixteen years of my life and you want me to be backup to Rogers!
McCarthy: Brett, I like you, you know that, but the game is starting to pass you by. I think the thing to do now is to ask yourself why now, after only FOUR months, that you want to come back. You’ve got Deanna and the girls, go spend time with them.
Favre: Mike, I’ve been home for FOUR months, with my wife and two daughters! Do you realize how many episodes of Hannah Montana I’ve seen? Breleigh has made me take her to the Best of Both Worlds tour three times! Deanna’s honey-do list is five miles long! I HAVE to play this year! I HAVE to get out of the house! If I don’t get to go on the road I’m gonna slit my wrists! YOU HAVE to let me play!
In the background, you can hear Deanna Favre calling to Brett, “Brett where are you? I need you to go pick up the dog crap in the back yard and you STILL haven’t painted the garage! Brett! Where are you?”
Favre: Man, I gotta go! I’m going to go hide in Breleigh’s play house, Bus call me back on my cell.
Cook: What my client is trying to say is that he is still in love with the game of football.
The call is disconnected.
"The Brett Favre Farce" continued... click here to Read More!
Monday, July 14, 2008
from the Nicole Richie cookbook
Excerpts from the Nicole Richie cookbook:
- Mac and Cheese
I’ve got this one down to a science!
- 1 box of kraft macaroni and cheese
- 1 sprinkle of heroin
- All the other stuff is says to add on the side of the box
In a saucepan mix all the ingredients, it’s that easy! This much is a lot, enough to last me a week or so, or feed 20 of my closest friends!
- Yummy Celebrity Celery
Delicious and really filling!
- 6 celery stalks
- tbsp of salt
This one is very enjoyable, and easy to make! Slice up the celery, and sprinkle with salt! Be careful, as a few of these should last you at least a day! For a guilty pleasure, substitute celery for carrot sticks!
- Soup de Paris
A “Hot” way to start a meal.
- 1 sausage
- ½ ounce of talent
- 1 video camera, with night vision
- 1 can of
"from the Nicole Richie cookbook" continued... click here to Read More!
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Paris Blogs About Babies
The following was captured from Paris Hilton's blog page:
I Was Gonna Give It Back!
Current Mood: cranky
Hi guys, is it next Saturday yet? So we just reshot the finale for my BFF show because someone accidentally lost all the footage or something, but it's okay because everyone did such an amazing job I knew we could do it again. It's just like The Hills; it's still real just better. I still don't know when it's going to premiere; they always get really quiet when I ask them about it. I think they want to surprise me. I'll let you know.
So earlier this week there was this horrible rumor that I was demanding to use a puppy in a photo shoot and I addressed it really well and I don't want to talk about it anymore. It hurts too much. But now there's been an incident at a daycare center where someone thought I was demanding to take a baby. Which, I can understand why they were upset,but I wasn't going to keep it!
Ever since my former BFF started seeing that guy from Good Charlotte, her life's just gotten so much better and so then I started seeing his brother (kind of an okay-fine-he'll-do, but he's sweet) thinking we'd have the same thing and he's so great and so sweet and is the love of my life and my mom loves him and we're all happy and sunshine and rainbows and hotness. What was I saying?
Oh yeah. So then Nicole, uh, I mean my former BFF had a baby with that guy and so now I'm thinking, maybe I should have one with Benji. But, like, adopt. Cuz it's better to adopt them than get them at baby mills. Demi Moore learned that the hard way and now we all have to lie to Rumer and tell her she's pretty. (oh and one time, my sister thought she was a horse and tried to feed her an apple and got bit, so maybe she was right? I don't know, but I didn't tell you shhhhh)
Okay, babies. So we went to this daycare center and…oh no I forgot I have to record the theme song to my new BFF show! Long story short guys, don't steal babies. Buy them. It's better for the environment.
Still thinking I'm on Gossip Girl,
xoxo Paris
"Paris Blogs About Babies" continued... click here to Read More!
I Was Gonna Give It Back!
Current Mood: cranky
Hi guys, is it next Saturday yet? So we just reshot the finale for my BFF show because someone accidentally lost all the footage or something, but it's okay because everyone did such an amazing job I knew we could do it again. It's just like The Hills; it's still real just better. I still don't know when it's going to premiere; they always get really quiet when I ask them about it. I think they want to surprise me. I'll let you know.
So earlier this week there was this horrible rumor that I was demanding to use a puppy in a photo shoot and I addressed it really well and I don't want to talk about it anymore. It hurts too much. But now there's been an incident at a daycare center where someone thought I was demanding to take a baby. Which, I can understand why they were upset,but I wasn't going to keep it!
Ever since my former BFF started seeing that guy from Good Charlotte, her life's just gotten so much better and so then I started seeing his brother (kind of an okay-fine-he'll-do, but he's sweet) thinking we'd have the same thing and he's so great and so sweet and is the love of my life and my mom loves him and we're all happy and sunshine and rainbows and hotness. What was I saying?
Oh yeah. So then Nicole, uh, I mean my former BFF had a baby with that guy and so now I'm thinking, maybe I should have one with Benji. But, like, adopt. Cuz it's better to adopt them than get them at baby mills. Demi Moore learned that the hard way and now we all have to lie to Rumer and tell her she's pretty. (oh and one time, my sister thought she was a horse and tried to feed her an apple and got bit, so maybe she was right? I don't know, but I didn't tell you shhhhh)
Okay, babies. So we went to this daycare center and…oh no I forgot I have to record the theme song to my new BFF show! Long story short guys, don't steal babies. Buy them. It's better for the environment.
Still thinking I'm on Gossip Girl,
xoxo Paris
"Paris Blogs About Babies" continued... click here to Read More!
Friday, July 11, 2008
Cop Rock Reunion
the following was taken from TV producer Steven Bochko's personal blog
I just had a brilliant idea for a TV special, so I figured I should write it down here, before I forget it.
A 3 hours TV special: "The Cop Rock Reunion"
I know, the reunion thing's been done; Eight is Enough, Gilligan's Island, Fantasy Island.
But all those just leave the public hungry for more. They want something from a quality show.
I better see what date works best for the main cast before I call NBC about it. that way they'll know when to schedule it. Hmm, I don't have any of the cast member's emails - the show was cancelled before all of that. I don't see any of their phone numbers in my book, either.
And,
well,
I don't have their names either. I know that guy who was in that other show was in it... what's his name? And umm, that girl that I saw at the gym last week; Mindy? Mandy? Sheila?
Well, this could slow things down. I think they're all alive, though - I just don't remember who they are. Well, I'll get started writing the songs anyway.
S.B
comment posted by B.J_Evigan, July 1, 2008:
Hey, Mr. Bochko, this sounds like a great idea, can't wait to watch it. But just in case it doesn't work out or soemthing, I was wondering if you'd be interested in producing a "B.J and the Bear" reunion special? I mean, NBC hasn't returned my calls, but, I figured I'd set up a producer/director asap. Let me know, thanks
- Greg
comment posted by B.J_Evigan, July 2, 2008:
Hey, Mr Bochko. A littl update. Still haven't heard from BMC, but I did find out the Monkey's dead. Too bad. Have to figure something out. But Roaseanne replaced one of her kids, right?
comment posted by B.J_Evigan, July 3, 2008:
Hey, Mr. Bochko! Had an idea about the Monkey thing. You think I could replace the monkey with Paul Reiser? Maybe I'll call him.
comment posted by B.J_Evigan, July 3, 2008:
Mr. Bochko: Oh, you know what? Never mind the Paul Reiser thing. Turns out that was another show. Still, maybe a "My Two Dads and Their Monkey" reunion could work? Let me know what you think.
"Cop Rock Reunion" continued... click here to Read More!
I just had a brilliant idea for a TV special, so I figured I should write it down here, before I forget it.
A 3 hours TV special: "The Cop Rock Reunion"
I know, the reunion thing's been done; Eight is Enough, Gilligan's Island, Fantasy Island.
But all those just leave the public hungry for more. They want something from a quality show.
I better see what date works best for the main cast before I call NBC about it. that way they'll know when to schedule it. Hmm, I don't have any of the cast member's emails - the show was cancelled before all of that. I don't see any of their phone numbers in my book, either.
And,
well,
I don't have their names either. I know that guy who was in that other show was in it... what's his name? And umm, that girl that I saw at the gym last week; Mindy? Mandy? Sheila?
Well, this could slow things down. I think they're all alive, though - I just don't remember who they are. Well, I'll get started writing the songs anyway.
S.B
comment posted by B.J_Evigan, July 1, 2008:
Hey, Mr. Bochko, this sounds like a great idea, can't wait to watch it. But just in case it doesn't work out or soemthing, I was wondering if you'd be interested in producing a "B.J and the Bear" reunion special? I mean, NBC hasn't returned my calls, but, I figured I'd set up a producer/director asap. Let me know, thanks
- Greg
comment posted by B.J_Evigan, July 2, 2008:
Hey, Mr Bochko. A littl update. Still haven't heard from BMC, but I did find out the Monkey's dead. Too bad. Have to figure something out. But Roaseanne replaced one of her kids, right?
comment posted by B.J_Evigan, July 3, 2008:
Hey, Mr. Bochko! Had an idea about the Monkey thing. You think I could replace the monkey with Paul Reiser? Maybe I'll call him.
comment posted by B.J_Evigan, July 3, 2008:
Mr. Bochko: Oh, you know what? Never mind the Paul Reiser thing. Turns out that was another show. Still, maybe a "My Two Dads and Their Monkey" reunion could work? Let me know what you think.
"Cop Rock Reunion" continued... click here to Read More!
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Wall-E's email to Pixar
EXCERPTS TAKEN FROM WALL E’s EMAIL PROGRAM THIS WEEKEND.
To: Lasster_John@pixarrules.disney
From: Wall_E@pixarcharacters.disney
Subject: Sequel?
Johnny! Hey man, just got off the phone with my agent, and he says the numbers for the second week look good… over 100 mill already! I was talking with him, and we think a sequel might be a good idea, eh?
Gotta run, Johnny 5 and R2 are coming over to play poker… by the way they love the idea too, they’ve BOTH done the sequel thing.
Beep, beep, boop.-W
To: Wall_E@pixarcharacters.disney,
CC:Woody@pixarcharacters.disney, Flik@pixarcharacters.disney, Sully_n_Mike@pixarcharacters.disney, Nemo@pixarcharacters.disney, IncredibleFamily@pixarcharacters.disney, LightningMcQ@pixarcharacters.disney, ratatouille@pixaracharacters.disney
From: Lasseter_John@pixarexec.disney
Subject: RE: Sequel?
Wall E, glad to see you’re enjoying the success. I CC’d the rest of the gang on here, because it seems every year when one of our movie comes out, everyone thinks its time to start asking for sequels…
once again, we don’t DO sequels guys. Sorry. The whole Toy Story 2 thing was a big mistake, and it won’t happen again. Besides, we’ve got a full plate for the next… decade.
Love,
John.
To: Wall_E@pixarcharacters.disney
From: Nemo@pixarcharacters.disney
Subject: RE: Sequel?
Ha ha, are you kidding me Mr Roboto? Listen chump, if anyone around here is getting a sequel next it’s gonna be me? Do you KNOW how many kids saw my movie? The Demos are outta sight. I’ve been busy doing the new stuff at Disney World, otherwise I am SURE John would’ve asked me already.
-Nemo
To: Wall_E@pixarcharacters.disney
From: Sully_n_Mike@pixarcharacters.disney
Subject: RE: Sequel?
Kid, listen, if you want a sequel, no matter what you do… don’t let them in on your personal life. Sure, Disney World allows those marches, but you’d be surprised how they frown upon “alternative lifestyles!”
By the way, you looked GREAT at the premiere, gold is really your color!
-Sully-n-Mike
To: Wall_E@pixarcharacters.disney
From: IncredibleFamily@pixarcharacters.disney
Subject: RE: Sequel?
Hey Wall E, long time no chat! How ya been? You wanna do a sequel huh? Yeah, we’re waiting for ours too! I mean, what superhero movie DOESN’T have a sequel, you know?
How are you doing with the success? It can be tough out there, so be careful… Dash’s court date is in a few weeks, and we’re pretty sure his charge is going to be reduced to possession only, and Violet is doing well with her group therapy, … and her pregnancy is moving along well! Bob flipped, of course, and I’ve noticed he’s been spending a lot of time with his makeup girl – and we aren’t even filming anything!
Anyway, gotta go! This bottle of gin won’t drink itself.
-Elastigirl
To: Wall_E@pixarcharacters.disney
From: LightningMcQ@pixarcharacters.disney
Subject: RE: Sequel?
Wait... John still talks to you?
-Lightning
"Wall-E's email to Pixar" continued... click here to Read More!
To: Lasster_John@pixarrules.disney
From: Wall_E@pixarcharacters.disney
Subject: Sequel?
Johnny! Hey man, just got off the phone with my agent, and he says the numbers for the second week look good… over 100 mill already! I was talking with him, and we think a sequel might be a good idea, eh?
Gotta run, Johnny 5 and R2 are coming over to play poker… by the way they love the idea too, they’ve BOTH done the sequel thing.
Beep, beep, boop.-W
To: Wall_E@pixarcharacters.disney,
CC:Woody@pixarcharacters.disney, Flik@pixarcharacters.disney, Sully_n_Mike@pixarcharacters.disney, Nemo@pixarcharacters.disney, IncredibleFamily@pixarcharacters.disney, LightningMcQ@pixarcharacters.disney, ratatouille@pixaracharacters.disney
From: Lasseter_John@pixarexec.disney
Subject: RE: Sequel?
Wall E, glad to see you’re enjoying the success. I CC’d the rest of the gang on here, because it seems every year when one of our movie comes out, everyone thinks its time to start asking for sequels…
once again, we don’t DO sequels guys. Sorry. The whole Toy Story 2 thing was a big mistake, and it won’t happen again. Besides, we’ve got a full plate for the next… decade.
Love,
John.
To: Wall_E@pixarcharacters.disney
From: Nemo@pixarcharacters.disney
Subject: RE: Sequel?
Ha ha, are you kidding me Mr Roboto? Listen chump, if anyone around here is getting a sequel next it’s gonna be me? Do you KNOW how many kids saw my movie? The Demos are outta sight. I’ve been busy doing the new stuff at Disney World, otherwise I am SURE John would’ve asked me already.
-Nemo
To: Wall_E@pixarcharacters.disney
From: Sully_n_Mike@pixarcharacters.disney
Subject: RE: Sequel?
Kid, listen, if you want a sequel, no matter what you do… don’t let them in on your personal life. Sure, Disney World allows those marches, but you’d be surprised how they frown upon “alternative lifestyles!”
By the way, you looked GREAT at the premiere, gold is really your color!
-Sully-n-Mike
To: Wall_E@pixarcharacters.disney
From: IncredibleFamily@pixarcharacters.disney
Subject: RE: Sequel?
Hey Wall E, long time no chat! How ya been? You wanna do a sequel huh? Yeah, we’re waiting for ours too! I mean, what superhero movie DOESN’T have a sequel, you know?
How are you doing with the success? It can be tough out there, so be careful… Dash’s court date is in a few weeks, and we’re pretty sure his charge is going to be reduced to possession only, and Violet is doing well with her group therapy, … and her pregnancy is moving along well! Bob flipped, of course, and I’ve noticed he’s been spending a lot of time with his makeup girl – and we aren’t even filming anything!
Anyway, gotta go! This bottle of gin won’t drink itself.
-Elastigirl
To: Wall_E@pixarcharacters.disney
From: LightningMcQ@pixarcharacters.disney
Subject: RE: Sequel?
Wait... John still talks to you?
-Lightning
"Wall-E's email to Pixar" continued... click here to Read More!
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Live From The Jolie Wombpage
BetImOut1st – So it's, what, day 67 in here?
QTRthanShyShy – Seriously, didn't we just get created? Why's everyone freaking out about us?
BetImOut1st – I bet mom's some kind of weird freak or something. Or Dad's a vampire!
QTRthanShyShy – what's a vampire?
BetImOut1st – I don't know, but I always hear Dad going on and on about some "movie he was in" with some short, crazy guy? I have no idea…
QTRthanShyShy – …I'm trying to tune it out 'till we get there…
BetImOut1st – …I think Mom might actually be some kind of monster with a tail, so I'm sure we're going to get eaten. We should probably hold up in here a few more weeks to be sure.
QTRthanShyShy – I doubt she's a monster; we look normal.
BetImOut1st – compared to what? Each other? We're twins, numbnuts.
QTRthanShyShy – At least I've got nuts.
BetImOut1st – That's the best you can do? How old are you?
QTRthanShyShy – Bite me, why don't you just stay on your side of the womb. …ha! Womb! Get it? Like room?
BetImOut1st – I hate you.
QTRthanShyShy – Oh grow a sense of humor. Since the rest of you seems stunted…
BetImOut1st – hey what's with your lips? They take up half your face.
QTRthanShyShy – what?
BetImOut1st – Seriously, it's like God punched you in the mouth. Remind me to thank him.
QTRthanShyShy – You're such an as…
BetImOut1st – astounding person? I know, you should be grateful to be in my presence.
QTRthanShyShy – whatever! you spawned off of me!
BetImOut1st – prove it fishface!
QTRthanShyShy – oh shut up.
BetImOut1st – gladly…..
*45-seconds-of-silence-between-them*
QTRthanShyShy – …Wanna kick her bladder?
BetImOut1st – you really are my twin! "Live From The Jolie Wombpage" continued... click here to Read More!
QTRthanShyShy – Seriously, didn't we just get created? Why's everyone freaking out about us?
BetImOut1st – I bet mom's some kind of weird freak or something. Or Dad's a vampire!
QTRthanShyShy – what's a vampire?
BetImOut1st – I don't know, but I always hear Dad going on and on about some "movie he was in" with some short, crazy guy? I have no idea…
QTRthanShyShy – …I'm trying to tune it out 'till we get there…
BetImOut1st – …I think Mom might actually be some kind of monster with a tail, so I'm sure we're going to get eaten. We should probably hold up in here a few more weeks to be sure.
QTRthanShyShy – I doubt she's a monster; we look normal.
BetImOut1st – compared to what? Each other? We're twins, numbnuts.
QTRthanShyShy – At least I've got nuts.
BetImOut1st – That's the best you can do? How old are you?
QTRthanShyShy – Bite me, why don't you just stay on your side of the womb. …ha! Womb! Get it? Like room?
BetImOut1st – I hate you.
QTRthanShyShy – Oh grow a sense of humor. Since the rest of you seems stunted…
BetImOut1st – hey what's with your lips? They take up half your face.
QTRthanShyShy – what?
BetImOut1st – Seriously, it's like God punched you in the mouth. Remind me to thank him.
QTRthanShyShy – You're such an as…
BetImOut1st – astounding person? I know, you should be grateful to be in my presence.
QTRthanShyShy – whatever! you spawned off of me!
BetImOut1st – prove it fishface!
QTRthanShyShy – oh shut up.
BetImOut1st – gladly…..
*45-seconds-of-silence-between-them*
QTRthanShyShy – …Wanna kick her bladder?
BetImOut1st – you really are my twin! "Live From The Jolie Wombpage" continued... click here to Read More!
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Bat Chat
Captured from the Batman Actors Guild Chat Room
Bale_IS_Bat: Hey all, be sure to go see my new movie, “The Dark Knight”, hitting the megaplex July 18!
ForeverVal: Well look who’s here…thank you for honoring us with your presence, oh great one!
Bale_IS_Bat: Kilmer! There’s no need for the ‘tude, OK?
I can’t help it if I’m considered the best Batman ever, alright?
ForeverVal: Whatever man…
BeetleBats: Come on Val, Christian’s a good guy.
ForeverVal: Oh, no, don’t you defend him Michael! At least you have BeetleJuice. What am I supposed to do? I’m way too old to do “Real Genius II”.
BeetleBats: But Val, you did “The Doors”, you did “Tombstone”…you’re great and the ladies love you.
ForeverVal: Shut up! “The ladies” all thought I looked really bad in “Alexander”…
Bale_IS_Bat: Val…come on…it’s OK.
BatOfShame: Hey guys.
ForeverVal: Clooney! What the Hell are you doing here? You helped ruin Batman, and now you’re like all respected, Mr Oscar nominee…get outta here. Go play with your rubber nipples.
BatOfShame: Wow, you sure hold a grudge. Look Val, maybe I can get you in on “Ocean’s 14” or something. And hey, I still know some people on “ER”…
BeetleBats: Val, look at me. Sure, I’m no superstar, but I’m doing OK in comedies and family films…
ForeverVal: (expletive deleted)
*ForeverVal has signed off*
Bale_IS_Bat: I feel kinda bad now…
OldBat: No need my good man, Val is just feeling out of sorts.
BeetleBats: Oh, Adam…you mean like when you sent me a box of bat guano after my first Bat movie? You know, that smell is still in my nose!
OldBat: That was a long time ago Michael. Man up, will ya?
BeetleBats: Fine. I gotta go meet with a suit about “Jack Frost 2”. Later.
*BeetleBats has signed off*
BatGal: Hello.
Bale_IS_Bat: Dina Meyers? Hey, how are you? Oh, that’s right, you played Batgirl on TV, right?
BatGal: Yeah…um, where’s Lou? This is the Bats forum, right? Where’s Lou Diamond Phillips?
OldBat: My dear young lady, I believe you’re in the wrong room.
*BatGal has signed off*
Bale_IS_Bat: That was weird.
BatShtCrZ: Well hello Christian, my name is Sean Young, but you can call me Catwoman! Meowr!
*Bale_IS_Bat has signed off*
*OldBat has signed off*
BatShtCrZ: Hello?
BatShtCrZ: Hello?
"Bat Chat" continued... click here to Read More!
Bale_IS_Bat: Hey all, be sure to go see my new movie, “The Dark Knight”, hitting the megaplex July 18!
ForeverVal: Well look who’s here…thank you for honoring us with your presence, oh great one!
Bale_IS_Bat: Kilmer! There’s no need for the ‘tude, OK?
I can’t help it if I’m considered the best Batman ever, alright?
ForeverVal: Whatever man…
BeetleBats: Come on Val, Christian’s a good guy.
ForeverVal: Oh, no, don’t you defend him Michael! At least you have BeetleJuice. What am I supposed to do? I’m way too old to do “Real Genius II”.
BeetleBats: But Val, you did “The Doors”, you did “Tombstone”…you’re great and the ladies love you.
ForeverVal: Shut up! “The ladies” all thought I looked really bad in “Alexander”…
Bale_IS_Bat: Val…come on…it’s OK.
BatOfShame: Hey guys.
ForeverVal: Clooney! What the Hell are you doing here? You helped ruin Batman, and now you’re like all respected, Mr Oscar nominee…get outta here. Go play with your rubber nipples.
BatOfShame: Wow, you sure hold a grudge. Look Val, maybe I can get you in on “Ocean’s 14” or something. And hey, I still know some people on “ER”…
BeetleBats: Val, look at me. Sure, I’m no superstar, but I’m doing OK in comedies and family films…
ForeverVal: (expletive deleted)
*ForeverVal has signed off*
Bale_IS_Bat: I feel kinda bad now…
OldBat: No need my good man, Val is just feeling out of sorts.
BeetleBats: Oh, Adam…you mean like when you sent me a box of bat guano after my first Bat movie? You know, that smell is still in my nose!
OldBat: That was a long time ago Michael. Man up, will ya?
BeetleBats: Fine. I gotta go meet with a suit about “Jack Frost 2”. Later.
*BeetleBats has signed off*
BatGal: Hello.
Bale_IS_Bat: Dina Meyers? Hey, how are you? Oh, that’s right, you played Batgirl on TV, right?
BatGal: Yeah…um, where’s Lou? This is the Bats forum, right? Where’s Lou Diamond Phillips?
OldBat: My dear young lady, I believe you’re in the wrong room.
*BatGal has signed off*
Bale_IS_Bat: That was weird.
BatShtCrZ: Well hello Christian, my name is Sean Young, but you can call me Catwoman! Meowr!
*Bale_IS_Bat has signed off*
*OldBat has signed off*
BatShtCrZ: Hello?
BatShtCrZ: Hello?
Monday, July 7, 2008
Getting Away With Nothing
Excerpt taken from the Chat Room for Celebrities Who Were Charged but Not Convicted of Crimes:
KingofPop: So anyway, I said, Blanket, its Jesus Juice, its ok, drink it.
OJTheJuice: Did somebody say Juice?
KingofPop: MeHEE! Shamon!
Beretta: Evening everyone.
OurKelly: Hi Blake, what’s shaking?
Beretta: Man, I lost my gun again. I keep leaving it places.
OJTheJuice: Dude! How many times have I told you that you need to get rid of the weapon real good! Hiding it behind the guest house never works. I should know.
Beretta: I didn’t hide it behind my guest house…I left it at a restaurant, again.
KingofPop: You know you should have secret rooms like I had at Neverland, they never found me there. Well not right away. HEE hee! Shamon!
OurKelly: You know, that doesn’t always work. You forgot to tell me to also include a bathroom…I forgot, got locked in there with a, a, a friend and err had an accident!
KingofPop: R…have some Jesus Juice and relaxxxxx. HEE hee!
OJTheJuice: Again, what’s with the Juice?
PhilSpector: Ooh juice, I like juice, especially when it’s fermented and all full of alcohol. I like to give it to the ladies I have over before…
LawyertoPhil: Phil’s not going to finish that last post as it could interfere with the impending case against him. Continue Phil…
PhilSpector: Oh never mind, I got a hair appointment.
PhilSpector has left the room.
OJTheJuice: Is it just me or are women the source of all our problems? It’s like they were asking for it.
KobeBryant: Man, she asked for it but I didn’t give it…lol. Like I’d risk everything for a hotel girl, man.
Beretta: Yeah the women! Kill the women! Ooops, err ahh.
Beretta has left the room.
KingofPop: I don’t have a problem with women. HEE hee! Blanket, come here, child…..Prince Michael….where are you? Shamon!
KingofPop has left the room.
OJTheJuice: Man, I thought that freak would never leave! One more HEEhee and I’d just wanna….
OurKelly: Calm down, bro.
OJTheJuice: What the heck is “shamon” anyway?
KobeBryant: Calm down, no reason to lose your head. Cut it out.
OurKelly: I gotta go, I have to work on chapter 693 of Trapped in the Closet. Peace!
OurKelly has left the room.
KobeBryant: Man, I gotta go too, my wife’s making me take her jewelry shopping, I wonder what I did wrong this week. Later!
KobeBryant has left the room.
OJTheJuice: Am I alone in here? Anyone? Oh well guess I will go look for football cards on Ebay.
OJTheJuice has left the room.
"Getting Away With Nothing" continued... click here to Read More!
KingofPop: So anyway, I said, Blanket, its Jesus Juice, its ok, drink it.
OJTheJuice: Did somebody say Juice?
KingofPop: MeHEE! Shamon!
Beretta: Evening everyone.
OurKelly: Hi Blake, what’s shaking?
Beretta: Man, I lost my gun again. I keep leaving it places.
OJTheJuice: Dude! How many times have I told you that you need to get rid of the weapon real good! Hiding it behind the guest house never works. I should know.
Beretta: I didn’t hide it behind my guest house…I left it at a restaurant, again.
KingofPop: You know you should have secret rooms like I had at Neverland, they never found me there. Well not right away. HEE hee! Shamon!
OurKelly: You know, that doesn’t always work. You forgot to tell me to also include a bathroom…I forgot, got locked in there with a, a, a friend and err had an accident!
KingofPop: R…have some Jesus Juice and relaxxxxx. HEE hee!
OJTheJuice: Again, what’s with the Juice?
PhilSpector: Ooh juice, I like juice, especially when it’s fermented and all full of alcohol. I like to give it to the ladies I have over before…
LawyertoPhil: Phil’s not going to finish that last post as it could interfere with the impending case against him. Continue Phil…
PhilSpector: Oh never mind, I got a hair appointment.
PhilSpector has left the room.
OJTheJuice: Is it just me or are women the source of all our problems? It’s like they were asking for it.
KobeBryant: Man, she asked for it but I didn’t give it…lol. Like I’d risk everything for a hotel girl, man.
Beretta: Yeah the women! Kill the women! Ooops, err ahh.
Beretta has left the room.
KingofPop: I don’t have a problem with women. HEE hee! Blanket, come here, child…..Prince Michael….where are you? Shamon!
KingofPop has left the room.
OJTheJuice: Man, I thought that freak would never leave! One more HEEhee and I’d just wanna….
OurKelly: Calm down, bro.
OJTheJuice: What the heck is “shamon” anyway?
KobeBryant: Calm down, no reason to lose your head. Cut it out.
OurKelly: I gotta go, I have to work on chapter 693 of Trapped in the Closet. Peace!
OurKelly has left the room.
KobeBryant: Man, I gotta go too, my wife’s making me take her jewelry shopping, I wonder what I did wrong this week. Later!
KobeBryant has left the room.
OJTheJuice: Am I alone in here? Anyone? Oh well guess I will go look for football cards on Ebay.
OJTheJuice has left the room.
"Getting Away With Nothing" continued... click here to Read More!
Friday, July 4, 2008
Hollywood Seance
following is a transcription of a recording of a seance performed to contact Thomas Jefferson. The event was recorded on or about June 29, 2008 at George Clooney's home outside of Hollywood:
George Clooney: Ok, everyone here? How do we start, Shirley?
Shirley MacClaine: let's all join hands, and we can attempt to contact Mr. Jefferson.
George Clooney: Great! Everyone ready? everyone comfortable?
Julia Roberts: yeah
Matt Damon: yep
Ben Affleck: me too!
George Clooney: Don?
Don Cheadle: What?
George Clooney: Just checking...
Don Cheadle: What, just cause we're contacting an old dead white guy who raped his slaves and forsake his illegitimate children, so you gotta check with the brother? I'm cool, get on with it!
George Clooney: OK, Don, take it easy.
Shirley MacClaine: OK, let's all be silent, while I attempt to contact Mr. Jefferson....
silence approximately five minutes.
Ben Affleck: Shirley? You awake?
Matt Damon: shhh, Ben!
Shirley MacClaine: OK, he's here.
Julia Roberts: where?
Shirley MacClaine: He's here - all around us, but you won't see him.
Ben Affleck: So it's like being in a Gus Van Zandt film?
Matt Damon: shhh, Ben, come on.
Julia Roberts: Mr. Jefferson? we're here because we need your help. Over 200 years ago you wrote the Declaration of Independence, one of the greatest documents ever written. Today, we need your help. We need a new one.
Shirley MacClaine: he says, "OK, I'm listening."
George Clooney: We need a Declaration of Independence from George Bush and his fascist ultra conservative repressive regime.
Matt Damon: And we're willing to pay for it.
Don Cheadle: Speak for yourself, Mr Bourne.
Shirley MacClaine: He says "I don't understand. Your President was elected according to the rules laid down in the Constitution."
Julia Roberts: Yes, unless you live in Florida. But in any case, he's doing all sorts of things that are unfair to poor people, and that's not fair.
Shirley MacClaine: He says "but surely. you don't need a revolution over this."
George Clooney: Yes! that's what we want exactly!
Matt Damon: but can we do it soon? I'm starting a new pic in October.
Ben Affleck: hey - you didn't tell me that? Is it Ocean's 14? cause that would be cool. Like maybe one new guy, like a buddy of another guy, from back east, you know?
George Clooney: Mr Jefferson, can you at least write something about how Bush is destroying every principle I hold dear? I mean, you hold dear?
Shirley MacClaine: He says "Surely if a majority agree with you, they will choose a new direction in the November elections?"
Julia Roberts: Why are you fighting us, Mr. Jefferson? I feel like I'm in Erin Brokovich 2!
Ben Affleck: Are you doing that? Cause I could maybe play a lawyer or something!
Matt Damon: Ben, Come on, man. You know, I really had to go out on a limb to get you in here!
Ben Affleck: Yeah, you're right. Go with Ocean's 14. Much better concept.
George Clooney: If we did another Ocean's movie with an even bigger cast, the plot would have to be about the studio robbing a casino to pay us!
Shirley MacClaine: he says, "I think that franchise has run it's course, in any case."
Julia Roberts: Yeah, seriously. Wait, a ghost of a founding father saw Ocean's 13?
Matt Damon: EVERYONE saw Ocean's 13.
Ben Affleck: that's what I'm saying! Come on, it'd be great! All you need is a wise talking guy from Boston....
Shirley MacClaine: he says,"and you guys aren't getting any younger, you know."
Julia Roberts: What? Hey, I got an offer for Prettier Woman just 2 months ago, you know!
Ben Affleck: Really? Cause I could totally do the slick business man thing. Don't I look like Richard Gere?
Shirley MacClaine: He says, "No. But seriously, you all have seen your better days. Maybe you should just direct some crappy movies, like Clooney does"
George Clooney: Yeah. Wait... NO! who asked you?
Matt Damon: I'm out of here, man. Don, you need a ride?
Don Cheadle: what do you think, every black guy needs a hand out from the rich white liberal? You guys are too much.
Ben Affleck: I do! I Do! I need a ride!
George Clooney: I could use a lift too.
Shirley MacClaine: He says, "didn't you just get one?"
Julia Roberts: I knew we should have contacted Patrick Henry
"Hollywood Seance" continued... click here to Read More!
George Clooney: Ok, everyone here? How do we start, Shirley?
Shirley MacClaine: let's all join hands, and we can attempt to contact Mr. Jefferson.
George Clooney: Great! Everyone ready? everyone comfortable?
Julia Roberts: yeah
Matt Damon: yep
Ben Affleck: me too!
George Clooney: Don?
Don Cheadle: What?
George Clooney: Just checking...
Don Cheadle: What, just cause we're contacting an old dead white guy who raped his slaves and forsake his illegitimate children, so you gotta check with the brother? I'm cool, get on with it!
George Clooney: OK, Don, take it easy.
Shirley MacClaine: OK, let's all be silent, while I attempt to contact Mr. Jefferson....
silence approximately five minutes.
Ben Affleck: Shirley? You awake?
Matt Damon: shhh, Ben!
Shirley MacClaine: OK, he's here.
Julia Roberts: where?
Shirley MacClaine: He's here - all around us, but you won't see him.
Ben Affleck: So it's like being in a Gus Van Zandt film?
Matt Damon: shhh, Ben, come on.
Julia Roberts: Mr. Jefferson? we're here because we need your help. Over 200 years ago you wrote the Declaration of Independence, one of the greatest documents ever written. Today, we need your help. We need a new one.
Shirley MacClaine: he says, "OK, I'm listening."
George Clooney: We need a Declaration of Independence from George Bush and his fascist ultra conservative repressive regime.
Matt Damon: And we're willing to pay for it.
Don Cheadle: Speak for yourself, Mr Bourne.
Shirley MacClaine: He says "I don't understand. Your President was elected according to the rules laid down in the Constitution."
Julia Roberts: Yes, unless you live in Florida. But in any case, he's doing all sorts of things that are unfair to poor people, and that's not fair.
Shirley MacClaine: He says "but surely. you don't need a revolution over this."
George Clooney: Yes! that's what we want exactly!
Matt Damon: but can we do it soon? I'm starting a new pic in October.
Ben Affleck: hey - you didn't tell me that? Is it Ocean's 14? cause that would be cool. Like maybe one new guy, like a buddy of another guy, from back east, you know?
George Clooney: Mr Jefferson, can you at least write something about how Bush is destroying every principle I hold dear? I mean, you hold dear?
Shirley MacClaine: He says "Surely if a majority agree with you, they will choose a new direction in the November elections?"
Julia Roberts: Why are you fighting us, Mr. Jefferson? I feel like I'm in Erin Brokovich 2!
Ben Affleck: Are you doing that? Cause I could maybe play a lawyer or something!
Matt Damon: Ben, Come on, man. You know, I really had to go out on a limb to get you in here!
Ben Affleck: Yeah, you're right. Go with Ocean's 14. Much better concept.
George Clooney: If we did another Ocean's movie with an even bigger cast, the plot would have to be about the studio robbing a casino to pay us!
Shirley MacClaine: he says, "I think that franchise has run it's course, in any case."
Julia Roberts: Yeah, seriously. Wait, a ghost of a founding father saw Ocean's 13?
Matt Damon: EVERYONE saw Ocean's 13.
Ben Affleck: that's what I'm saying! Come on, it'd be great! All you need is a wise talking guy from Boston....
Shirley MacClaine: he says,"and you guys aren't getting any younger, you know."
Julia Roberts: What? Hey, I got an offer for Prettier Woman just 2 months ago, you know!
Ben Affleck: Really? Cause I could totally do the slick business man thing. Don't I look like Richard Gere?
Shirley MacClaine: He says, "No. But seriously, you all have seen your better days. Maybe you should just direct some crappy movies, like Clooney does"
George Clooney: Yeah. Wait... NO! who asked you?
Matt Damon: I'm out of here, man. Don, you need a ride?
Don Cheadle: what do you think, every black guy needs a hand out from the rich white liberal? You guys are too much.
Ben Affleck: I do! I Do! I need a ride!
George Clooney: I could use a lift too.
Shirley MacClaine: He says, "didn't you just get one?"
Julia Roberts: I knew we should have contacted Patrick Henry
"Hollywood Seance" continued... click here to Read More!
Thursday, July 3, 2008
CAPTURED from Jamie Lynn Spears TWITTER.
CAPTURED FROM JAMIE LYNN SPEARS TWITTER PAGE, 06-19-2008
Jamie_dalittlespears – Ok guys I’m leaving now to go give birth! Do you think I have time for Starbucks on the way? I’m so nervous y’all, I mean, if I don’t have a double-pump macchiato its gonna throw off my whole day! About 3 hours ago from HOME
BigMommaSpears – Oh my baby’s gonna have a baby! I aint been happier since my other baby had a baby… twice. About 3 hours ago from PHONE ON PRIVATE JET
ItsBritneyBitch – Uh, what’s going on now? Anyone seen whatshisname? About 2 and a half hours from HOME.
BigMommaSpears – Britney Jean, your sister is having a BABY! Isn’t that exciting? About 2 and a half hours ago from LAVATORY ON PRIVATE JET
Jamie_dalittlespears – Whatever! Who do you mean by whatshisname? You mean Sean? Your son? About 2 hours ago from LIMO
ItsBritneyBitch – SEAN! That’s it yeah… anyone seen him? I better go look for him… About 2 hours ago from HOME.
Jamie_dalittlespears – Whatever... these contractions are starting to suck… anyway there’s a In Touch magazine in here, and what’s this shit about CLAY AIKEN having a baby? About 2 hours ago from LIMO
BigMommaSpears – Oh right, I heard he got pregnant from with his manager or something. Don’t worry about it you should thinking about your BREATHING exercises! About an hour and a half ago from PRIVATE JET.
Jamie_dalittlespears – O WHATEVER! I don’t care about breathing! I can’t believe that little bitch Clay getting pregnant while I am pregnant… doesn’t she know that America only has room in their hearts for ONE little girl whose too young to be having sex, but is having a baby anyway? JESUS! About 1 hour and someodd minutess ago from LIMO, IN FRONT OF HOSPITAL
BigMommaSpears – Uhh.. Jamie Lynn, I think he’s a BOY, not a girl. I’m landing now, be there soon! About an hour or so, but whose counting from PRIVATE JET RUNWAY.
Jamie_dalittlespears – Uhh… whatever? who cares what kind of baby she’s having? I just am pissed she’s pregnant! 1 hour ago from HOSPITAL ADMISSION!
Casey_Aldrige_Spears – Baby I am so excited your having our bundle of joy! Was that legal Tony? 45 minutes ago from LAWYERS OFFICE
Jamie_dalittlespears – Whatever...Wait.. whose Tony? 44 minutes ago from STIRRUPS, 4 CM DIALATED.
Caseys_LAWYER – That’s me, we met last week at your sister’s BBQ. I was the one who found Sean playing in Britney’s old gym. And yes, Casey that was legal. 43 minutes ago from MY OFFICE
Casey_Aldrige_Spears – Remember baby I told you about this? He has to be with me 24/7 considering the legality of … uhh. Our situation. 40 minutes ago from LAWYERS OFFICE
Jamie_dalittlespears – Whatever… did you hear about – wait, another contraction… 32 minutes ago FROM HOSPITAL BED.
ItsBritneyBitch – OK seriously, am I being punk’d? Where the hell is Sean?… 30 minutes ago from HOME.
Jamie_dalittlespears – WHEW that was a hard one, the lady was all like... PUSH PUSH! Whatever! Anyway, Casey did you see that Clay Aiken is having a baby?… 28 minutes ago from EMERGENCY C-SECTION ROOM.
Casey_Aldrige_Spears – Oh that bitch! 26 minutes ago from LAWYERS OFFICE
Jamie_dalittlespears – Right? Whatever! Are you going to come down and see the baby? 20 minutes ago from DELIVERY ROOM.
Casey_Aldrige_Spears – Uhh… Tony? 18 minutes ago from LAWYERS OFFICE
Caseys_LAWYER – Depends, what state are you in Jamie? The laws on consent are different everywhere! 12 minutes ago from MY OFFICE
Jamie_dalittlespears – I think were in Mississippi… or Missouri. I forget. Whatever! DAMNIT where is my Starbucks… 10 minutes ago from DELIVERY ROOM.
Caseys_LAWYER – We better not Casey… bible belt and all. 8 minutes ago from MY OFFICE
BigMommaSpears – Jamie, I am almost there! How far along are you? 5 minutes ago from DIRTY, SMELLY CAB
Jamie_dalittlespears – OMG I totally had her a few minutes ago, didn’t I tell you? Momma, can you get my Starbucks, these people are grossing me out with their afterbirth and icechips and whatever! 4 minutes ago from DELIVERY ROOM
BigMommaSpears – OMG THIS IS AMAZING! This is the best day of my life!!!!!!! 3 minute ago from DIRTY, SMELLY CAB
Jamie_dalittlespears – Aww thanks Momma, Ima cry! I’m so glad you think my baby is amazing! 2 minutes ago from DELIVERY ROOM!
BigMommaSpears – Oh, not that sweety-pie! IM TOTALLY ON CASHCAB RIGHT NOW! 1 minute ago from DIRTY, SMELLY CAB
ItsBritneyBitch – Sean? Are you here? 30 seconds ago from HOME.
"CAPTURED from Jamie Lynn Spears TWITTER." continued... click here to Read More!
Jamie_dalittlespears – Ok guys I’m leaving now to go give birth! Do you think I have time for Starbucks on the way? I’m so nervous y’all, I mean, if I don’t have a double-pump macchiato its gonna throw off my whole day! About 3 hours ago from HOME
BigMommaSpears – Oh my baby’s gonna have a baby! I aint been happier since my other baby had a baby… twice. About 3 hours ago from PHONE ON PRIVATE JET
ItsBritneyBitch – Uh, what’s going on now? Anyone seen whatshisname? About 2 and a half hours from HOME.
BigMommaSpears – Britney Jean, your sister is having a BABY! Isn’t that exciting? About 2 and a half hours ago from LAVATORY ON PRIVATE JET
Jamie_dalittlespears – Whatever! Who do you mean by whatshisname? You mean Sean? Your son? About 2 hours ago from LIMO
ItsBritneyBitch – SEAN! That’s it yeah… anyone seen him? I better go look for him… About 2 hours ago from HOME.
Jamie_dalittlespears – Whatever... these contractions are starting to suck… anyway there’s a In Touch magazine in here, and what’s this shit about CLAY AIKEN having a baby? About 2 hours ago from LIMO
BigMommaSpears – Oh right, I heard he got pregnant from with his manager or something. Don’t worry about it you should thinking about your BREATHING exercises! About an hour and a half ago from PRIVATE JET.
Jamie_dalittlespears – O WHATEVER! I don’t care about breathing! I can’t believe that little bitch Clay getting pregnant while I am pregnant… doesn’t she know that America only has room in their hearts for ONE little girl whose too young to be having sex, but is having a baby anyway? JESUS! About 1 hour and someodd minutess ago from LIMO, IN FRONT OF HOSPITAL
BigMommaSpears – Uhh.. Jamie Lynn, I think he’s a BOY, not a girl. I’m landing now, be there soon! About an hour or so, but whose counting from PRIVATE JET RUNWAY.
Jamie_dalittlespears – Uhh… whatever? who cares what kind of baby she’s having? I just am pissed she’s pregnant! 1 hour ago from HOSPITAL ADMISSION!
Casey_Aldrige_Spears – Baby I am so excited your having our bundle of joy! Was that legal Tony? 45 minutes ago from LAWYERS OFFICE
Jamie_dalittlespears – Whatever...Wait.. whose Tony? 44 minutes ago from STIRRUPS, 4 CM DIALATED.
Caseys_LAWYER – That’s me, we met last week at your sister’s BBQ. I was the one who found Sean playing in Britney’s old gym. And yes, Casey that was legal. 43 minutes ago from MY OFFICE
Casey_Aldrige_Spears – Remember baby I told you about this? He has to be with me 24/7 considering the legality of … uhh. Our situation. 40 minutes ago from LAWYERS OFFICE
Jamie_dalittlespears – Whatever… did you hear about – wait, another contraction… 32 minutes ago FROM HOSPITAL BED.
ItsBritneyBitch – OK seriously, am I being punk’d? Where the hell is Sean?… 30 minutes ago from HOME.
Jamie_dalittlespears – WHEW that was a hard one, the lady was all like... PUSH PUSH! Whatever! Anyway, Casey did you see that Clay Aiken is having a baby?… 28 minutes ago from EMERGENCY C-SECTION ROOM.
Casey_Aldrige_Spears – Oh that bitch! 26 minutes ago from LAWYERS OFFICE
Jamie_dalittlespears – Right? Whatever! Are you going to come down and see the baby? 20 minutes ago from DELIVERY ROOM.
Casey_Aldrige_Spears – Uhh… Tony? 18 minutes ago from LAWYERS OFFICE
Caseys_LAWYER – Depends, what state are you in Jamie? The laws on consent are different everywhere! 12 minutes ago from MY OFFICE
Jamie_dalittlespears – I think were in Mississippi… or Missouri. I forget. Whatever! DAMNIT where is my Starbucks… 10 minutes ago from DELIVERY ROOM.
Caseys_LAWYER – We better not Casey… bible belt and all. 8 minutes ago from MY OFFICE
BigMommaSpears – Jamie, I am almost there! How far along are you? 5 minutes ago from DIRTY, SMELLY CAB
Jamie_dalittlespears – OMG I totally had her a few minutes ago, didn’t I tell you? Momma, can you get my Starbucks, these people are grossing me out with their afterbirth and icechips and whatever! 4 minutes ago from DELIVERY ROOM
BigMommaSpears – OMG THIS IS AMAZING! This is the best day of my life!!!!!!! 3 minute ago from DIRTY, SMELLY CAB
Jamie_dalittlespears – Aww thanks Momma, Ima cry! I’m so glad you think my baby is amazing! 2 minutes ago from DELIVERY ROOM!
BigMommaSpears – Oh, not that sweety-pie! IM TOTALLY ON CASHCAB RIGHT NOW! 1 minute ago from DIRTY, SMELLY CAB
ItsBritneyBitch – Sean? Are you here? 30 seconds ago from HOME.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Celebuspawn with “Unique” Names
Excerpt taken from the Chat Room for The Spawn of Celebrities with Unique Names:
RumorWillis: Hey, I just got here, who all is in here?
FifiTrixybelleHutchence: I’m here and so’s my sisters Heavenly Tiger Lily and Pixie. How’s your sister, Scout?
RumorWillis: Demi and Ass-ton are taking her to dinner tonight. Bruce took Tallulah to get stuff to get ready to go to camp.
FifiTrixybelleHutchence: I saw Dweezil and MoonUnit last week at Koi. Man he’s got such a monobrow.
Dandelion_Richards: Hey guys, what’s shaking?
RumorWillis: Nothin’ much. Just got done dying my hair brown again.
FifiTrixybelleHutchence: Well Heavenly, Tiger Lily and I have a memorial INXS concert to go to next week. Dandelion, is your dad and the rest of the Stones going to be there?
Dandelion_Richards: They might be. I’ll be in New York next week to go shopping with Lourdes and Rocco. It’s so sad that their mom’s getting divorced.
Audio_Science_Sossamen: What’s shakin’ ladies?
RumorWillis: Heya Audio!
Audio_Science_Sossamen: Zowie Bowie and I just got back from Hyde...we saw Rob Morrow’s daughter Tu.
FifiTrixibelleHutchence: Wait, her name is TU? As in TU Morrow? OMG! How rotten is that? Who’d do that to their kid?
Dandelion_Richards: That is soo bad! Who’s her brother? Yesterday?
RumorWillis: Uh, that doesn’t work, Fifi.
Audio_Science_Sossamen: Speaking of doesn’t work, did you guys see Pilot Inspektor Lee and Jett Travolta are now BFFs?
MoxieCrimeFighterJillette: Jett and Pilot? Ha! That is so annoying...my dad can make them disappear....
RumorWillis: Hey did you see that Gwyneth took Apple to get her hair cut? She looks adorable!
MoxieCrimeFighterJillette: I missed that, but I saw that Beckham took Cruz, Brooklyn and Romeo and got them temporary tattoos. I wonder what Posh thought when she saw that!
Dandelion_Richards: Did you see Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner out with their daughter, Violet? Her cousin Indiana August is so cute, but then again so’s his dad, Casey.
PeachesHoneyblossomHutchence: Fifi, Pixie and I want to go to Harrod’s. I got the credit card.
FifiTrixybelleHutchence: Django Stewart likes to hang out in the music department, lol he stands around where the Eurythmics CDs are and says’ that’s my dad...it’s so funny, he has to point out who his dad is since he hasn’t had a hit since Annie Lennox left him, lol.
Dandelion_Richards: I’ll meet you guys there, we can make fun of Django...
MoxieCrimeFighterJillette: Hey Audio, I’ll play you MarioKart...
Audio_Science_Sossamen: Sounds good, I’ll see you in five...
PeachesHoneyblossomHutchence has left the room
FifiTrixybelleHutchence has left the room
Dandelion_Richards has left the room
MoxieCrimeFighterJillette has left the room
Audio_Science_Sossamen has left the room
RumorWillis: hey, what about me? Hey! I wanna go shopping, I wanna play Wii....
RumorWillis: is anyone there?
RumorWillis: Anyone? Oh well, I guess I’ll try to sneak into Teddy’s and drink cosmos with LiLo.
RumorWillis has left the room.
"Celebuspawn with “Unique” Names" continued... click here to Read More!
RumorWillis: Hey, I just got here, who all is in here?
FifiTrixybelleHutchence: I’m here and so’s my sisters Heavenly Tiger Lily and Pixie. How’s your sister, Scout?
RumorWillis: Demi and Ass-ton are taking her to dinner tonight. Bruce took Tallulah to get stuff to get ready to go to camp.
FifiTrixybelleHutchence: I saw Dweezil and MoonUnit last week at Koi. Man he’s got such a monobrow.
Dandelion_Richards: Hey guys, what’s shaking?
RumorWillis: Nothin’ much. Just got done dying my hair brown again.
FifiTrixybelleHutchence: Well Heavenly, Tiger Lily and I have a memorial INXS concert to go to next week. Dandelion, is your dad and the rest of the Stones going to be there?
Dandelion_Richards: They might be. I’ll be in New York next week to go shopping with Lourdes and Rocco. It’s so sad that their mom’s getting divorced.
Audio_Science_Sossamen: What’s shakin’ ladies?
RumorWillis: Heya Audio!
Audio_Science_Sossamen: Zowie Bowie and I just got back from Hyde...we saw Rob Morrow’s daughter Tu.
FifiTrixibelleHutchence: Wait, her name is TU? As in TU Morrow? OMG! How rotten is that? Who’d do that to their kid?
Dandelion_Richards: That is soo bad! Who’s her brother? Yesterday?
RumorWillis: Uh, that doesn’t work, Fifi.
Audio_Science_Sossamen: Speaking of doesn’t work, did you guys see Pilot Inspektor Lee and Jett Travolta are now BFFs?
MoxieCrimeFighterJillette: Jett and Pilot? Ha! That is so annoying...my dad can make them disappear....
RumorWillis: Hey did you see that Gwyneth took Apple to get her hair cut? She looks adorable!
MoxieCrimeFighterJillette: I missed that, but I saw that Beckham took Cruz, Brooklyn and Romeo and got them temporary tattoos. I wonder what Posh thought when she saw that!
Dandelion_Richards: Did you see Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner out with their daughter, Violet? Her cousin Indiana August is so cute, but then again so’s his dad, Casey.
PeachesHoneyblossomHutchence: Fifi, Pixie and I want to go to Harrod’s. I got the credit card.
FifiTrixybelleHutchence: Django Stewart likes to hang out in the music department, lol he stands around where the Eurythmics CDs are and says’ that’s my dad...it’s so funny, he has to point out who his dad is since he hasn’t had a hit since Annie Lennox left him, lol.
Dandelion_Richards: I’ll meet you guys there, we can make fun of Django...
MoxieCrimeFighterJillette: Hey Audio, I’ll play you MarioKart...
Audio_Science_Sossamen: Sounds good, I’ll see you in five...
PeachesHoneyblossomHutchence has left the room
FifiTrixybelleHutchence has left the room
Dandelion_Richards has left the room
MoxieCrimeFighterJillette has left the room
Audio_Science_Sossamen has left the room
RumorWillis: hey, what about me? Hey! I wanna go shopping, I wanna play Wii....
RumorWillis: is anyone there?
RumorWillis: Anyone? Oh well, I guess I’ll try to sneak into Teddy’s and drink cosmos with LiLo.
RumorWillis has left the room.
"Celebuspawn with “Unique” Names" continued... click here to Read More!
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Kobe and Belichik
captured from an email Exchange:
To: B_Belichik@cheaters.nfl
From: KoB@playaz.nba
Date: June 24 2008 1:01pm
Subject: Winning the big one
Bill; Hey, Bill; My name is Kobe, and I just lost the NBA championship. Maybe ya heard. That wasn't cool at all, amn. I need to win one. Ok, so I won 3, but I mean one just for me, if you now what I mean. I want to avoid any "Shacky" entanglements, get it?
Since you win all the time, I want to know how you did it. I heard you got all kinds of ways to get around all the lame "rules" and stuff.
thanks, dawg,
K
To: KoB@playaz.nba
From: B_Belichik@cheaters.nfl
Date: June 25 2008 2:11pm
Subject: Re: Winning the big one
Dear Koybe: I heard about you losing the Championship. It was actually pretty big news around the Boston area, believe it or not. Sorry about that. Maybe you didn't hear about it, but I actually lost the Championship this year also.
I'd love to help, but I'm not sure I can. I don't really know any ways rules. Sure, I made some video tapes. Of the other team's coaches. While he was giving signals to his defense. But that was just a misunderstanding between me and the league. And the Refs. And the other teams. And the rulebook.
To: B_Belichik@cheaters.nfl
From: KoB@playaz.nba
Date: June 25 2008 3:01pm
Subject: Re: Winning the big one
Hey, Billy; right, right, cool.
so you got the jump by making some videos? Cool.
Hey, how bout hooking a brother up and showin me how to do that?
thanks, man
To: KoB@playaz.nba
From: B_Belichik@cheaters.nfl
Date: June 25 2008 11:31pm
Subject: Re: Winning the big one
Kobe; Umm, you want to tape the other team? I think that's already been done. It's called the ABC Sports NBA broadcast. Just set your DVR.
To: B_Belichik@cheaters.nfl
From: KoB@playaz.nba
Date: June 26 2008 9:01am
Subject: Re: Winning the big one
Billy; right right, cool.
but don't say nothin, right? I mean, I don't wanna get caught and humiliated like you did. You know? I don't wanna be all embarrassed in the national media.
To: KoB@playaz.nba
From: B_Belichik@cheaters.nfl
Date: June 26 2008 11:01pm
Subject: Re: Winning the big one
Kobe; yeah, thanks for reminding me of all that, I'd nearly suppressed it.
But you know taping the other team playing isn't illegal. In fact, you're supposed to do it.
I'm surprised Coach Jackson doesn't show you the tapes at team meetings and practices.
To: B_Belichik@cheaters.nfl
From: KoB@playaz.nba
Date: June 27 2008 10:21am
Subject: Re: Winning the big one
Bill-dawg; right, right. Ya know, Coach probably does show those tapes at team meetings.
I should really check one of those out sometimes.
To: KoB@playaz.nba
From: B_Belichik@cheaters.nfl
Date: June 27 2008 11:02am
Subject: Re: Winning the big one
Yeah, you do that, and get back to me.
Oh wait, you know what? I'm going to take a job with a football league in Tokyo. Yeeah, I umm.. almost forgot.
I have to leave tomorrow, and they umm.... don't allow email in Japan. So I won't be able to get any email.
So please don't - I mean, you won't be able to email me.
Sorry. And I hope that whole going to practice works out for you..
"Kobe and Belichik" continued... click here to Read More!
To: B_Belichik@cheaters.nfl
From: KoB@playaz.nba
Date: June 24 2008 1:01pm
Subject: Winning the big one
Bill; Hey, Bill; My name is Kobe, and I just lost the NBA championship. Maybe ya heard. That wasn't cool at all, amn. I need to win one. Ok, so I won 3, but I mean one just for me, if you now what I mean. I want to avoid any "Shacky" entanglements, get it?
Since you win all the time, I want to know how you did it. I heard you got all kinds of ways to get around all the lame "rules" and stuff.
thanks, dawg,
K
To: KoB@playaz.nba
From: B_Belichik@cheaters.nfl
Date: June 25 2008 2:11pm
Subject: Re: Winning the big one
Dear Koybe: I heard about you losing the Championship. It was actually pretty big news around the Boston area, believe it or not. Sorry about that. Maybe you didn't hear about it, but I actually lost the Championship this year also.
I'd love to help, but I'm not sure I can. I don't really know any ways rules. Sure, I made some video tapes. Of the other team's coaches. While he was giving signals to his defense. But that was just a misunderstanding between me and the league. And the Refs. And the other teams. And the rulebook.
To: B_Belichik@cheaters.nfl
From: KoB@playaz.nba
Date: June 25 2008 3:01pm
Subject: Re: Winning the big one
Hey, Billy; right, right, cool.
so you got the jump by making some videos? Cool.
Hey, how bout hooking a brother up and showin me how to do that?
thanks, man
To: KoB@playaz.nba
From: B_Belichik@cheaters.nfl
Date: June 25 2008 11:31pm
Subject: Re: Winning the big one
Kobe; Umm, you want to tape the other team? I think that's already been done. It's called the ABC Sports NBA broadcast. Just set your DVR.
To: B_Belichik@cheaters.nfl
From: KoB@playaz.nba
Date: June 26 2008 9:01am
Subject: Re: Winning the big one
Billy; right right, cool.
but don't say nothin, right? I mean, I don't wanna get caught and humiliated like you did. You know? I don't wanna be all embarrassed in the national media.
To: KoB@playaz.nba
From: B_Belichik@cheaters.nfl
Date: June 26 2008 11:01pm
Subject: Re: Winning the big one
Kobe; yeah, thanks for reminding me of all that, I'd nearly suppressed it.
But you know taping the other team playing isn't illegal. In fact, you're supposed to do it.
I'm surprised Coach Jackson doesn't show you the tapes at team meetings and practices.
To: B_Belichik@cheaters.nfl
From: KoB@playaz.nba
Date: June 27 2008 10:21am
Subject: Re: Winning the big one
Bill-dawg; right, right. Ya know, Coach probably does show those tapes at team meetings.
I should really check one of those out sometimes.
To: KoB@playaz.nba
From: B_Belichik@cheaters.nfl
Date: June 27 2008 11:02am
Subject: Re: Winning the big one
Yeah, you do that, and get back to me.
Oh wait, you know what? I'm going to take a job with a football league in Tokyo. Yeeah, I umm.. almost forgot.
I have to leave tomorrow, and they umm.... don't allow email in Japan. So I won't be able to get any email.
So please don't - I mean, you won't be able to email me.
Sorry. And I hope that whole going to practice works out for you..
"Kobe and Belichik" continued... click here to Read More!
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