Shark Tales: The Conversation

We here at the Secret Blogs of Celebrities have spared no expense to bring you the latest in celebrity happenings, now we are pleased to present the “Animal Transmuticator”, a device that can allow us to “translate” the language of animals into human language so that we can find out what they think about their celebrity encounters.

After much hard work, we bring you the conversation that occurred between two sand sharks off the coast of Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, not two weeks ago.

Shark1: So, I was sayin’ to da’ Mizzus, I’m tired of mackerel for dinner I wanna try something new.

Shark2: I hear ya. Ya, know, I heard this bullshark over near the beach mention this new species…it’s kinda like a variety of human.

Shark1: Gee, Herb, what’s it called?

Shark2: It’s called a metrosexual.

Shark1: Wonder what it tastes like?

Shark2: Let’s go see if we can find one…

(Sounds of water swishing and distant sounds of people playing in the shallow water of a beach.)

Shark1: I wonder where they are, these smell like regular humans, you got anything?

Shark2: *Sniffing* I don’t smell nothin’, wait! *sniffs vigorously* I do smell something different. It’s kinda like a human, but it smells different, more fruity, but not like real fruit, it has a chemical edge to it. Sort of like it’s marinaded in some fruit-scented chemical, no more than one chemical.

Shark1: *Sniffs vigorously* You’re right! There must be eight or nine different scents to it…I think I found it…it looks like a male human.

Shark2: Well, the size of the feet and legs looks male, but the leg’s hairless! No hair to get caught between my 85 teeth! Woo hoo! This is gonna be some feast!

Shark1: *licks lips in anticipation* Oh boy!

Shark2: This was my idea, I go first buddy!

(Sounds of water swishing, then from above human screams.)

Shark2: Num, num…wait! Eww! Eww! *spits out a toe* Eww! It’s nasty! Come on Frank! Let’s get outta here! I ain’t eatin’ no metrosexual! *coughs, sputters and tries to get taste out of his mouth*

Shark1: I guess mackerel doesn’t sound so bad after all! *snickers* Better you than me!

From above the water:

Man: OW! OW! SHAAAARRRRRK! I GOT BIT BY A SHARK! JAWS! HELP! HELP!

Lifeguard: I’m here to save you! Wait! Man, Stop thrashing around! Stand up! You’re only in four feet of water! Jeeze! Wait, aren’t you…

Ryan Seacrest: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s me. Now will you help me! I GOT BIT BY A SHARK!

The lifeguard carries Ryan up to the sand and sits him down.

Lifeguard: Aww , it ain’t nothin’. It hardly broke the skin! Wait, there’s a little tooth in it! *Pulls out a tiny tooth* He mustn’t have like the way you tasted. DUDE! He spit SEACREST OUT!

The sounds fades to the sounds of water swishing…