French Swim Team response to USA winning the 4x100 relay

An Email sent from the French National Olympic Committee to the US Olympic committee:
From: French Nat Olympic Comm
To: USA Olympic Comm
Subject: bogus win of US team over France in Mens' 4x100 swim relay
Dear Messieurs and Madames; This letter is to inform you of our disgust at the way the US Men's swim team stole the 4x100 gold medal from the courageous and proud French team. We will be filing a formal grievance with the IOC, of course, but we also wanted to personally deliver this message.
The event was so close as to be called a "finger tip win." Be advised that we are fully aware that you Americans grow your fingernails abnormally long, for the purpose of more effectively torturing alleged suspects confined in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

We also intend to prove that your fingernails were artificially enhanced with the help of Human Growth Hormones, under the direction of noted expert Barry Bonds.
This is the true explanation for his absence from your American baseball league this year (did you really think we'd think the Home Run king could not get a job? You silly Yankees.)
In protest of this blatant cheating, we will be recalling all of our fries, toast and dressing. I'm sure you will come around to our way of thinking, as we all know you fat Yankees are addicted to McDonald's, and will never survive without French Fries with your Heureaux Meals. When you come to your senses, please deliver the Gold medals to the nearest Au Bon Pain restaurant, and the manager will see that the medals get in the right hands.

oh, and don't even think about flying over us to bomb whoever's in your axis of evil this week.

Au Revoir,
France