The following was taken from an intercepted call between Eddie Murphy and his agent, Bob Grabow.
Eddie Murphy: Morning Bob, what have you got for me today?
Bob Grabow: Well, Eddie, the news on your last movie, Meet Dave, is not good. It was only number seven last week and this week it is already out of the top ten. I’m sorry.
Eddie: Bob, this is unacceptable… I’m just sayin’ I don’t need another Pluto Nash here, Bob.
Bob: Now Eddie, I’ve tried to help you out money-wise as best I can. Didn’t I get you two roles in Meet Dave?
Eddie: Yeah, but you got me three roles and a producer credit for Norbit.
Bob: I did, but….
Eddie: And I had eight roles and an executive producer credit for Nutty Professor II…
Bob: Ok, Eddie, you want to know why your revenue is down? You demanded separate salaries, trailers and assistants for each character! That’s eight salaries, eight trailers, eight assistants, not to mention your salary as an executive producer. That cuts into profits! Nutty Professor II did ok, but not that well. People are getting tired of seeing you in multiple roles.
Eddie: Bob, I’ve got EIGHT KIDS and four baby mommas…do you have any idea of what that does to my bankroll?
Bob: Now Eddie…I’ve got some work lined up for you, Shrek 4, Shrek 5, The Incredible Shrinking Man, The Romeo and Juliet project and they just green-lit Beverly Hills Cop IV. What more can you ask? I’ve got you working until 2013….and don’t forget all the corporate speaking dates I made for you.
Eddie: You’re right, Bob, I just got to relax….I’m getting too uptight.
A voice from the background is overheard…
Mr. Murphy, baby momma number four is on line two…
Eddie: Valerie, can’t you see I’m on the phone with my agent? Tell Mel B the Spice Girl the check’s in the mail! Sheesh.
Bob: Are you back, Eddie?
Eddie: Yes, sorry Bob, where were we?
Eddie Murphy: Morning Bob, what have you got for me today?
Bob Grabow: Well, Eddie, the news on your last movie, Meet Dave, is not good. It was only number seven last week and this week it is already out of the top ten. I’m sorry.
Eddie: Bob, this is unacceptable… I’m just sayin’ I don’t need another Pluto Nash here, Bob.
Bob: Now Eddie, I’ve tried to help you out money-wise as best I can. Didn’t I get you two roles in Meet Dave?
Eddie: Yeah, but you got me three roles and a producer credit for Norbit.
Bob: I did, but….
Eddie: And I had eight roles and an executive producer credit for Nutty Professor II…
Bob: Ok, Eddie, you want to know why your revenue is down? You demanded separate salaries, trailers and assistants for each character! That’s eight salaries, eight trailers, eight assistants, not to mention your salary as an executive producer. That cuts into profits! Nutty Professor II did ok, but not that well. People are getting tired of seeing you in multiple roles.
Eddie: Bob, I’ve got EIGHT KIDS and four baby mommas…do you have any idea of what that does to my bankroll?
Bob: Now Eddie…I’ve got some work lined up for you, Shrek 4, Shrek 5, The Incredible Shrinking Man, The Romeo and Juliet project and they just green-lit Beverly Hills Cop IV. What more can you ask? I’ve got you working until 2013….and don’t forget all the corporate speaking dates I made for you.
Eddie: You’re right, Bob, I just got to relax….I’m getting too uptight.
A voice from the background is overheard…
Mr. Murphy, baby momma number four is on line two…
Eddie: Valerie, can’t you see I’m on the phone with my agent? Tell Mel B the Spice Girl the check’s in the mail! Sheesh.
Bob: Are you back, Eddie?
Eddie: Yes, sorry Bob, where were we?
Bob: I was reminding you to relax, even if Meet Dave doesn’t meet expectations, you’ve got work lined up…
A voice from the background is overheard…
Mr. Murphy, baby momma number two is on line three….
Eddie: Consuela, I just told Valerie that I’m on the phone! You tell that woman that I paid the college tuition and set up a credit card for him…
Eddie: Sorry Bob, it’s a little busy here, you know with back to school and all…
Bob: Oh I know how that is, I put mine through school and now they work with me…can you imagine?
Eddie: Man, I don’t know how you stand it…
A voice from the background is overheard…
Mr. Murphy, your ex is on line four…
Eddie: Qualeesha, you make sure the secretarial pool out there knows I’m on the phone…and tell her I mailed the check yesterday and I did include the money for Zola’s riding lessons…Now tell everyone to leave me alone, I’m on the phone!
*deep breathing*
Bob: You ok Eddie?
Eddie: Yeah, yeah…
Bob: As I was saying between the projects I’ve already lined up and the corporate events, you’ll be a very busy man…Eddie: When you say corporate events, what exactly are you saying?Bob: These businesses hire you to come to their conventions or what not and do an hour or so of “clean” stand up comedy and then pay you hideously large sums of money. They pay travel expenses too.
Eddie: Oh wow…so it looks like we’ll have money coming in for a while?
A voice from the background is overheard…
Mr. Murphy, baby momma number one is on the phone…
Eddie: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!
Click! The phone call is disconnected.
A voice from the background is overheard…
Mr. Murphy, baby momma number two is on line three….
Eddie: Consuela, I just told Valerie that I’m on the phone! You tell that woman that I paid the college tuition and set up a credit card for him…
Eddie: Sorry Bob, it’s a little busy here, you know with back to school and all…
Bob: Oh I know how that is, I put mine through school and now they work with me…can you imagine?
Eddie: Man, I don’t know how you stand it…
A voice from the background is overheard…
Mr. Murphy, your ex is on line four…
Eddie: Qualeesha, you make sure the secretarial pool out there knows I’m on the phone…and tell her I mailed the check yesterday and I did include the money for Zola’s riding lessons…Now tell everyone to leave me alone, I’m on the phone!
*deep breathing*
Bob: You ok Eddie?
Eddie: Yeah, yeah…
Bob: As I was saying between the projects I’ve already lined up and the corporate events, you’ll be a very busy man…Eddie: When you say corporate events, what exactly are you saying?Bob: These businesses hire you to come to their conventions or what not and do an hour or so of “clean” stand up comedy and then pay you hideously large sums of money. They pay travel expenses too.
Eddie: Oh wow…so it looks like we’ll have money coming in for a while?
A voice from the background is overheard…
Mr. Murphy, baby momma number one is on the phone…
Eddie: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!
Click! The phone call is disconnected.
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