The Brett Favre Farce

A transcript of an intercepted conference call between former Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre, his agent Bus Cook and Mike McCarthy coach of the Packers.


Brett Favre: Hi, Mike.
Mike McCarthy: Hi, Brett, how’s retirement treating you? Fishing much?
Bus Cook: Mike, before we go on, I wanted to let you know I’m on the line, too.
McCarthy: Brett, what’s going on? Why is Bus on the call with you?
Favre: Well, Mike, I’ve been thinking and I’ve changed my mind. I want to play this year.
Cook: What my client is trying to say is that he wants to play again.
McCarthy: Uh, Brett, might I remind you that you actually retired on March 4th, just four months ago?
Favre: Aww, I know, but you know, I got that “itch” to play.


Cook: My client wants to play, Mike.
McCarthy: What about your “farewell” tour? What about all the people that spent money on tickets as part of your final season?
Cook: What a windfall! We made a killing…think of a second farewell tour, Cher’s done it a dozen times!
McCarthy: Regardless, Brett, we’ve already started retooling team around Aaron Rogers.
Favre: Well I’d be happy to have him as my backup.
Cook: Brett’s still got three years on his contract so he’ll be ready to report to training camp.
McCarthy: Brett, I’m sorry, we can’t do that. All of our trades and our draft picks were geared to the fact that you wouldn’t be returning. We’d have to do a ton of reworking and frankly, I don’t want to do it.
Cook: Well then release him I’m sure any number of teams would be happy to have him.
McCarthy: Well, Bus, I don’t want to do that either. I could see my way to giving him the backup position.
Favre: BACK UP? BACK UP! I gave this franchise the best sixteen years of my life and you want me to be backup to Rogers!
McCarthy: Brett, I like you, you know that, but the game is starting to pass you by. I think the thing to do now is to ask yourself why now, after only FOUR months, that you want to come back. You’ve got Deanna and the girls, go spend time with them.
Favre: Mike, I’ve been home for FOUR months, with my wife and two daughters! Do you realize how many episodes of Hannah Montana I’ve seen? Breleigh has made me take her to the Best of Both Worlds tour three times! Deanna’s honey-do list is five miles long! I HAVE to play this year! I HAVE to get out of the house! If I don’t get to go on the road I’m gonna slit my wrists! YOU HAVE to let me play!

In the background, you can hear Deanna Favre calling to Brett, “Brett where are you? I need you to go pick up the dog crap in the back yard and you STILL haven’t painted the garage! Brett! Where are you?”

Favre: Man, I gotta go! I’m going to go hide in Breleigh’s play house, Bus call me back on my cell.

Cook: What my client is trying to say is that he is still in love with the game of football.

The call is disconnected.